Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Van Morrison, Norah Jones -- The Soundtrack to Radiation

Today was treatment 11 as well as my regularly scheduled session with the nurse/resident or radiologist. Today I saw the nurse. My treatment seems to be going well and the skin is still only mildly pink. The nurse seemed quite pleased with it when she looked at it today.

Each day when I go in the staff has a CD playing in the background. The first week it was a CD of Van Morrison tunes; this week it is a Norah Jones disk. I try to listen to the music while I'm being pushed and pulled and lined up with the machine, it also helps me stay relaxed during the process. I sometimes feel like I'm a piece of clay because the most minute adjustments are them just pushing on my skin. I asked about it the other morning because it seemed to be taking longer than usual to get set up and I was told sometimes the movements are to line up the marks by fractions of millimeters. I don't know whether to be comforted by such precision or to be worried -- what happens if I sneeze or yawn? Am I going to accidentally radiate an area which should not be radiated?

I had an eye appointment last week. My vision has changed a little (surprise, surprise) but fortunately it isn't a great deal. I'm going to try contact lenses again. I tried them the last time, but nothing quite fit the shape of my eye and I didn't find them comfortable. However, as with everything these days, the technology has changed and there are several new products on the market I can try.

Rob is gearing up for deer hunting season. We'll spending opening weekend in Pictou (which means I don't have to lay in a supply of Halloween treats and won't be left eating them either). Then he heads to Colorado for his annual company meeting. He'll be gone six days...I may paint the kitchen ceiling while he's out of town. I'll have to wait to see how my energy is.

I've heard through the grapevine that Socrates' surgery has gone well and he should be home this week. My friend Sharon is undergoing some tests today, and is still hospitalized.

I had a card from the crew in Colorado in the mail today.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Eight Treatments Down

Eight down, seventeen more to go. Tomorrow's treatment is very early; it's at 8 a.m. This means, because of traffic, I'll have to leave the house at 7 a.m. and be up 6:30. Anyone who knows me well knows these are not the hours I prefer to keep. I'm not a nice person that early in the day. Of course, that's the opening some will need to say I'm just not a nice person and the time of day has nothing to do with it.

Treatment is going well. I'm usually in and out of the hospital in about 20 minutes or less. I'm on a first-name basis with several of the people I see most often, and I now automatically volunteer my birthday to anyone I haven't seen before. This is one of the ways they check to see if they have the right person and correct treatment plan.

I met with one of the radiation residents this week. I'm not sure if she's new, or just doesn't have a sense of humor. I've joked several times with different health staff, saying I wouldn't know what to do if I had an appointment where I didn't have to take my shirt off. It always get a response...not so with this girl. I looked at her and said "that's a joke". She still didn't smile. My philosophy is if you don't find the humor in the situation, you'll end up losing your mind.

Wally, Jen and the kids (and dogs) dropped by last night. We got take-out pizza. I realized I need to update my blog a little more frequently after Jen said, "Wally checked your blog first to see what you guys were doing today..." Obviously he didn't see anything and had to use that old-fashioned thing called a phone. It was great to see them. Ryan made us a "Secret Book", complete with codes. According to the back of the book, it is part of a series, because it says "Look for More Secret Books!"

I had lunch today with Marion, Kelly and my former manager Ben, who is in town to meet with his team. It was really good to see everyone, especially Ben, who was last in town a year ago. Where does the time go?

Speaking of time, I have an eye appointment tomorrow in addition to my radiation. I can't believe it's been two years already.

The mail this week included a card from Kathy E. and a package from Bonnie M. Thank you again ladies for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. My friend Sharon, who was diagnosed with breast cancer in August, was hospitalized this week with pneumonia. I'm sure they'll get her straightened out and home soon. She was planning a trip to Halifax next week; I'm waiting to hear if she's still coming or if she's postponing it. I'm also waiting to hear on Socrates. I believe he was scheduled for surgery this week. As I am in others' thoughts and prayers, these are two people in my own thoughts and prayers.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Five Treatments Down

The Hero often marks progress in his journey by milestones along the road. Literally these are markers along the route which allow the Hero to know how far he has travelled and how much more distance he needs to cover before reaching his destination. Figuratively, this is like Julia Roberts' character trying all the different egg dishes in Runaway Bride. For her it is a measurement of her journey of self-discovery.

My personal milestone of the moment is each completed radiation treatment. Today wrapped up session five, which means only 20 more to go. I am officially one-fifth of the way through this phase of treatment.

Tomorrow is clinic day and I'll see the radiologist, or more likely, his nurse (I apparently only see the radiologist a couple of times during treatment) following my session. I'm already noticing a little pinking of the tissue on the left side. Hopefully it won't get too much worse. I treat the skin twice daily with aloe gel and I've been using baby soap to wash (as directed by the clinic).

The worst part of the treatment is the drive across the city. But I realize I have it easy compared to some of the other patients in the center. I spoke with one woman this morning who drives in two hours from her home. Then she drives back two hours. I'm guessing, like me, she must do this for five weeks. Some patients stay in the city with friends or at the "Lodge", especially if they're travelling from the far reaches of the province.

In my last post I said there are three blasts of radiation. There are actually four. One from the top, one at an angle from the top, one from the bottom and one from an angle at the bottom. They've also started covering my chest for part of each session with a bolus, a tissue-equivalent substance placed on the skin to better distribute the dose to the target site.

Overall I've been feeling good. No excessive tiredness yet. My mobility continues to improve each day...although after doing housecleaning on Saturday my arm is a little stiff again.

I received a note from Trudy last week and a phone call from her on the weekend. It was really good catching up with her again and hearing about her recent concert experiences.

I also chatted with my SunLife representative last week. Fortunately there is no pressure from that side to hurry back to work between phases of treatment. I was worried I might be required to go back to work following radiation and then have to start the leave process all over again prior to my next surgery, but that won't be the case.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

One Down, Twenty-four To Go!

Today was my first radiation treatment. The first session is always a slightly longer appointment because they check the markings, take a reference X-ray and then do the actual treatment. My left shoulder feels tired from being placed in an awkward position for so long, but then again so does my right shoulder and it was just resting against the platform.

The radiation itself is aimed at the chest from three different angles: straight down, with the machine directly above me; from the side, with the machine at a 30 degree angle to my chest; and from beneath, with the machine pointing up towards my back (or side, it's a little hard to say because I wasn't allowed to move my head to look).

The hardest part about today was laying still. I could never be a painter's model. From the first moment the tech said "now lay still, we'll do all the moving" it felt like every cell in my body needed to move. I found myself tensing for no reason and had to force myself to relax several times. I felt like my tissues were vibrating from the strain of not moving. However, the tech said it went well and we'll do it all again tomorrow. She recommended I get some aloe gel and apply it to the area to keep it moisturized and reduce the risk of irritation.

I had a quick meeting with the radiologist to discuss whether we need to do all 25 treatments. He recommended we continue with the course of treatment as planned. So, from now until November 17 I will traipse across the harbour for daily radiation (with the exception of Remembrance Day and weekends). Fortunately it looks like I can request a time frame for my treatments, so I've asked if they can be scheduled between 9:30 and noon. We'll see what happens; I get my new schedule on Friday.

We spent Thanksgiving weekend with Rob's parents and had wonderful visits with Debbie and Bruce, Diane and Richard and his cousin Clarence and his wife, Linda. Rob did some bird hunting and pre-deer season scouting and I tried to get rid of a head cold by just resting and taking it easy. Seems to have worked as my throat isn't sore today and my head is only mildly stuffy.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Date and Time for Radiation

In less than a week I begin radiation. It's the next phase of my journey; the insurance policy so to speak against the cancer recurring. I'm scheduled for 25 sessions, beginning Tuesday at 12:30. I hope to meet with my radiologist on Tuesday following my first session to discuss the total number of treatments in light of the clean pathology report. I don't want to skip out on radiation altogether, but I'm hoping the number can be backed up, to something more like 15 to 20 sessions. I know from speaking with people and other research the side-effects get worse the more sessions you have.

Otherwise it has been quiet. I'm getting more mobility in my arms every day. My left arm is still weak and hurts periodically, not a great pain, more like a twinge if I move it wrong or abruptly. I can finally sleep on my stomach again for short periods, although my shoulders get kinked up pretty easily. More stretching is needed I guess. I've started my fall house cleaning (missed the spring cleaning completely), so we'll see how good my arm really is. I'm taking it slowly, and making sure I take lots of breaks.

We were in Pictou last weekend. Mom, James and I went to visit my aunt Sheren. She was diagnosed with cancer 15 years ago and she's been a rock for me throughout this journey, one of my many mentors. We talked about the "sisterhood" of breast cancer. We both have had experiences where we've been drawn to strangers because of the disease.

My contacts tell me my co-worker Socrates is scheduled for surgery later this month; either the 20 to 21.

I also received a card from Kathy E. Her daughter had found a lump in her breast, but fortunately the test results show it is benign. However, it was a very stressful time for her, until she received the news.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Friends Along the Journey

From the beginning of the journey our Hero is fortunate to be supported by many friends and mentors along his path. It is through this support he finds the strength and will to continue along the road before him. Would Julia Robert's character in Runaway Bride ever have made it to the altar without the support of her friends? Those who believe she can do it, even as she walking out of the church?

The support of friends has played a huge role in my recovery. From people I've known more than 20 years to those I've met in the last five through work, and then there are others I've met even more recently. This week I received a post card from Lisa -- who manages to find the coolest retro looking cards, a card from the Southville church, and a box of goodies from my friends in the Framingham office.

It would take far too long to list all the goodies in the box, but let's just say I'll have plenty to read, movies to watch when I'm tired of reading, lotions and goodies to make my skin feel great, and on those days when I can't remember anything, I now have a neat little notebook in which to jot down thoughts.

I met Kelly, Marion and Kelly's sister Andrea at the movies last night where Kelly handed off the box; I believe it arrived at the office last week and with all the excitement over the weekend she forgot to give it to me then. The girls insisted I open it there, beside her van, in the parking lot, under the streetlight. I love opening gifts so I was happy to oblige. Someone (Rita?) had taken the time to make labels for many of the bags -- "books", "lotions", "charms" -- and everything was wrapped in cheerful coloured tissue. It wasn't until I got home and was showing Rob the box that I found the cards and the crystal charm which were hidden in some of the tissue.

The cards and messages contained therein continue to remind me that people see me as courageous, inspirational, optimistic and strong. It reminds me of those questionnaires we sometimes are asked to complete -- how you see yourself and how others see you. Sitting where I sit, it is simply taking one day at a time, mixed with a healthy dose of stubbornness (those of you who work with me, you need to watch out for the latter). Is it truly courage when you just don't know how to back down?

The card picked out by Francine is truly in line with the analogy of the journey I've been taking and I want to share the words written within. The cards are from the line "The Faerie Journals" and have a beautiful image on the front. This is the verse:


Shelsea -- "Finder of the Lost"
Humans must cross the sometimes turbulent waters of experience. Shelsea wants us to know she is near to guide us and that the universe challenges us in order to give us the opportunity to discover how powerful we really are. All the courage and all the wisdom you'll ever need you already have in your heart.

I think we all have strength and courage within us, but it isn't until we face adversity, until we are truly tested that we can know how deep these traits go. It isn't until we're supported by friends, that we find we can go deeper and find more of what we need to continue -- be it laughter or hope or faith or wisdom or courage. With friends at our side nothing is insurmountable...not even cancer. Thank you again to all of my friends who have shadowed me throughout this journey.