Friday, May 29, 2009

Other Journeys, Other Heroes

The Hero is not the only one seeking the elixir. In parallel lives others face similar challenges. They too must develop mentors, take tests and ultimately seek their own inmost cave and obtain the elixir. I recently found out one of my colleagues has had a relapse and yesterday I received a card from Rob's cousin Liz. Their stories are far more gripping than my own, which in comparison is a stroll through the park.

Socrates is a member of the Colorado team. Since the beginning I have received frequent cards, gifts and words of encouragement from this group. Messages from both Socrates and Kathy W. were especially thoughtful as both have been through the battle before. He would write thoughts like: "Glad to hear you've started the fight! Keep your head up and your tummy full. Doughnuts got me through the worst of it." or "Keep forging on. Each day brings you closer." or "It always helped me to put things in perspective, no matter how bad you feel at times, the cancer is always doing worse! Your sacrifice is serving an extraordinary purpose."

Socrates has cancer in a lymph node on his back, situated near a nerve mass on his spine. Like my own cancer, the doctors want to shrink the growth before surgery, however Socrates' treatment is far more aggressive. He has four cycles; however, each cycle includes five days of eight- to nine-hour chemo sessions. These leave him drained. Then he has two weeks off and he repeats the cycle. We chatted by email yesterday and this is part of his story:

"By the end of the week I can hardly eat, I’m in pain from head to toe and would just love to crawl into a hole. The body aches are new this time and very strange. I was massaging my feet the other day, as though I had ran a marathon! Even salt and pepper become too much to handle. Simply fruits (non-citrus, of course) and cereals are about all I can muster...Another odd and new side-effect is hyper-sensitivity. By the end of the week, if the TV was on while someone was talking to me it was almost too much to handle. Bright lights and all aromas are very overwhelming as well."

I'm not as familiar with Liz's story and only know about it second-hand through Rob's Mom. We have never met (to my recollection), her father and Rob's father's are brothers and there are several years between them. Liz was diagnosed two years ago with a brain tumour and has been through chemo treatments herself. I'm not sure of her prognosis, but I do know from what I have heard her battle has been heroic.

She writes: "Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and can imagine the many levels of emotion you are going through. I have found it very helpful and comforting to know people, and family especially, care and are thinking of you. It is a difficult journey, but there are always positive sides to thing. Aunt Eileen and Uncle Darrell have been very supportive since I was diagnosed and I appreciate their thoughtful cards and flowers so much."

Liz included a bookmark in her card with a poem entitled "Don't Quit". It is a reminder that when life seems to be handing you its worst, you're at a turning point and it will be better soon.

As I've learned over the past months, ongoing support, positive thoughts and prayers keep us going, and if you think of it please add Socrates and Liz to your thoughts and prayers or send a little positive energy their way periodically. Even when the Hero walks alone he carries the essence of his friends and family with him.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Promised Photo

Here is a photo of the quilt and T-shirt received last week. By clicking on the photo you can open a separate browser window to better view the image.

My doctor's appointment went fine yesterday. She's very pleased with how things are progressing. We both received a letter from the genetics clinic summarizing my appointment, although we're still waiting for the results.

It is getting to the time when we have to start making some decisions. We've already moved past the point of lumpectomy or mastectomy, with the latter the final decision. Now we need to decide one or two. If we know the results of the BRCA1 testing it will be clear-cut. Talking with the surgeon will likely provide some more insight, but at this point I'm leaning towards a double mastectomy. I really want to mitigate the risk for recurrence.

Next week will be round five of chemo, and by the end of June this portion of the journey will be complete. I'm looking forward to putting it behind me.

Monday, May 25, 2009

The Comfort Heart

The Hero's journey is long, but the path is made easier by those he meets along the way. Family and friends play a huge role in helping the Hero reach his final destination.

And so it is with me. Checking the mailbox has long since moved from the mundane to a small adventure each time I place the key in the lock. More often than not the cards outnumber the bills, and today was no exception. I received cards from the Colorado team, my friends at the Southville Church of Christ and my cousin Helen. Inside her card, Helen tucked a Comfort Heart suspended on a silver chain.

The Comfort Heart initiative was started by Carol Ann Cole, a breast cancer survivor and former VP of Bell Canada. I once heard her speak at a graduation and was moved by her story. Both Ms. Cole and her mother, Mary Cole, were diagnosed with breast cancer in January 1992. Unfortunately Mary died in December of that same year. Originally from Nova Scotia, Ms. Cole purchased several "Worry Hearts" which she passed out to family and friends who found holding the hearts during stressful times help soothe them. Ms. Cole took the idea to the next level and in cooperation with the Canadian Cancer Society and OceanArt Pewter (owned by May Ocean and her sister, Linda Power -- also a cancer survivor) developed the Comfort Heart, proceeds from which go to cancer research within Canada. Today over 170,000 of these hearts have been sold, raising more than a million dollars. It just goes to show how a little idea can have a long and lasting effect. Thank you, Helen, for the heart, the love and for supporting future research.

Yesterday was a lazy day. I spent it alternately reading and playing Zelda. My allergies have been bad the past few days and yesterday I woke with congestion, a sore throat and no motivation. Today is somewhat better. My throat has improved and I can breathe. Rob took part of the day off and he played nine holes of golf. I walked the course with him. I didn't think I'd have the energy to swing a club and my hands are little swollen, which I'm sure would make it a little hard too.

Speaking of hands, I have developed a slight rash on my right hand. It could be drug-related, or more likely, I've gotten into something. Fortunately I have my check-up tomorrow and will ask the doctor about it.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Flowers and Family

Rob's sister Debbie and her husband Bruce arrived yesterday for a visit. They were in the city to attend a wedding. Debbie brought a flat of annuals sent by Rob's mom and a lap quilt made by ladies in the Southville Church of Christ congregation.

So this afternoon, I spent an enjoyable hour figuring out where to plant things and even made a hanging basket for the light post. The flat of annuals included: draconian spikes, begonia, impatiens, dusty Miller, dianthus, geraniums, petunias and coleus. After all the yard work I napped, I just don't have the go, go, go I used to; but I'm learning that's okay and I'm taking it easy when I need to.

The quilt is made in rich, autumn tones. Debbie confided that Rob's mom helped choose the material and she knows I love the vibrant colours of fall. The church makes a number of these quilts a year which they send to church family members who are sick. It's the perfect size for snuggling under on the couch.

We also planted some grass seed today and took the dogs on a short hike along one of the rail bed trails. The black flies weren't too bad, unless you stopped moving and then they were voracious. We still have a few items to knock off the weekend to-do list, but it is shorter tonight than it was this morning.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Marathon

Sometimes I feel like I'm a marathon runner with crowds of supporters lining the sides of the course cheering me on. Fortunately those crowds have buses to forward them to the next checkpoint to keep the rally going, otherwise I'd be limping along solo by now.

Tonight Rob and I met Kelly for supper and a movie and she presented me with a T-shirt made by our Pioneers group. This is the second time they've put their talents to work to send me a message of support and hopes for a speedy recovery. They are undoubtedly a cool bunch of kids and I can't wait to get back to my role as a leader.

In case you're wondering, we saw Star Trek; it was really good.

Yesterday's mail yielded a card from my boss Julie, and one from Rob's cousin Lois and her husband Del. Del apparently remembers me for procuring an extra date square for him at the Meeting House Christmas concert two years ago. Lois and I met several years ago in Middleton, not at a family get-together, but during a special luncheon of the Lois Club. This a club for women with the name Lois and they get together and do fun things. I was invited to join the event as a "Lois for the Day" wearing my journalist cap. Lois made the card, and what makes it extra special is she incorporated a piece of tatting in the cover made by her mother, Zella. We have towels and sheets, given to us as wedding gifts, with pieces of her tatting work as well. I also have a tatting shuttle, which if memory serves belonged to Zella, although unfortunately it's not a skill I was able to pick up.

The aches and pains have finally subsided, and today I was drug-free. However, new side-effects include tender fingernails. I spoke with the nurse today, who called to change the time of my appointment next week, and she says the fingernail thing is normal. She also asked if I've had numbness in the hands and feet. I haven't yet, but I guess that could be next. Of course if my fingers are numb, I won't mind the fact my fingernails hurt, because I'll no longer be able to tell.

I'll try to get a picture of my new T-shirt added in the morning.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Head, Heels, Knees and Toes

When your heels hurt everything seems daunting. I spent much of yesterday curled up on the couch alternating between watching television and sleeping. The Celebrex mostly settled the worst of the aches and pains but my heels, knees and hips were still very achy. The idea of standing in the kitchen to even make a sandwich was repugnant. Coupled with the fact something was causing crazy heartburn, I was a little miserable yesterday.

Monday night we did go out for supper with Ian and June, in spite of the aches and pains. I felt I just had to get out. They showed up at the restaurant with a new book for me to read -- thank you. The company was enjoyable, but the meal was only so/so. Although we've eaten at this place before neither the service nor the food quality was up to past experience.

The joint pain returned with a vengeance in the middle of the night and I finally got up and went to the couch so as not to disturb Rob too much. After watching TV for an hour or so I drifted into a fitful sleep. Needless to say, I will take the Celebrex next time, before the joint inflammation even has a chance to start. I'm just counting the minutes now until I can take today's dose.

I'm not sure what is causing the heartburn, one of the medications no doubt, but it alternately feels like someone is trying to twist a hot iron through my chest or a large bubble is pressing against my esophagus. I should probably be taking the Losec, but I didn't find it offered much relief before and I'm not sure how it works with the Celebrex.

Not much on tap for today. I may make my way down to the mailbox and I need to plant to some seeds I set to soak a couple days ago. The house could use a vacuuming, but that's low on my priority list right now.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Aches and Pains -- An Understatement

How is it the most innocuous descriptions can lead you the furthest astray? For my last round of chemo, the pamphlet listed aches and pains as one of the potential side-effects. My wonderful doctor hooked me up with a prescription for Celebrex, an anti-inflammatory, in case I needed it.

Friday morning came around and I felt good. No nausea, no aches -- I was on top of the world. I didn't do much, I was still tired, but Zelda and I had some monsters to battle so all was well. Rob and I scouted out a couple of garden centers for plants to put at the top of the driveway. We want to make a barrier to help keep the dogs in the yard and we're thinking a hedge would be a nice addition.
On Saturday morning we (Rob) dig a test hole to see what size of shrubs we can accomodate. It turns out we need to rethink our whole plan because the ground is so rocky we can't dig a hole of any size. We decide on a decorative fence and resume our search for materials. I'm still feeling good.

We find some garden fencing, buy some soil and plan to plant sweet peas and other such climbing flowers to provide color and texture. I help Rob move some sod, although I only putter and take breaks whenever I need them. I don't want to over-exert myself.

Sunday morning I wake up and think ... "oh, that hurts." I have a few aches and pains from the gardening, which was expected. However, every joint in my body seems to ache a little. I'm still not doing too badly and I pop a couple of Tylenol. Rob and I decide to go for a drive to see if we can get out of the fog for awhile.

By late Sunday afternoon, I'm thinking the drug manufacturers need to re-write their flyer. If they wrote "may feel like you've been beaten black and blue by a heavy stick," they might have come close to describing the pain and discomfort I experienced last night -- last night, when the drug stores are closed because it is Sunday evening. I have been sent flying through the air off the back of a horse and never hurt this much. Not even close. Why? Because this isn't isolated to one shoulder or knee. Almost every joint -- my toes, my spine, my neck, my hips, my shoulders -- they all ache. No matter which way I turn or lie or sit I can't quite get comfortable. Nothing helps.

Did I mention I had never filled the prescription? Guess what Rob is doing right now? He's gone to the phramacy to fill my prescription. He's a saint. I'm hopeful the medicine will kick in quickly. The prescription says to take for three days following chemo so I'm hopeful the aches are on they way out regardless...I just want to shove them along a little more quickly.

Hopefully the medicine works well and I can enjoy the rest of our holiday weekend. I think I'd like to go to a movie, if I can stand to sit in one place long enough.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Chemo Four, Out the Door

The Hero's Journey, as I've said before, often has many mini-tests or a series of challenges before he faces his final foe (or in the world of fantasy game play -- the Big Boss). Today marked the end of one of these challenges for me -- the completion of round four of chemo. As mentioned in my previous blog I was unsure of how my body would react to this drug...so far, so good. This means I'm two-thirds of the way through chemo treatment and only have two more to go.

My appointment was at 9 a.m. Last night I had to start a three-dose round of steriods (a drug I had taken on the earlier rounds to help with nausea). Dose two was at 6 a.m. and dose three was at 8 a.m., after which I had to call the pharmacy at the chemo center and let them know I had taken my meds.

Chemo went smoothly. I had a little tickle in my nose, but I'm not sure if that was the chemo or just related to pollen. Lots of people are exhibiting the signs of hay fever and it would not be unusual for me to have a bit of an allergy this time of year. By the time I got home my nose was running full tilt, but it wound up pretty quickly. I did call the doctor to see if I could/should take an allergy medicine like Claritin. I need to take three more rounds of the steroid to ensure I don't have a reaction to the chemo -- one tonight at eight, one at breakfast and one at supper. This drug has to be taken with food.

Rob and I ate lunch at Quiznos on the way home. I tried one of the new torpedo subs (quite tasty), he had a beef sub. I've also eaten supper (leftover chicken, rice, baby carrots and cauliflower). I did take a brief nap this afternoon, but can't say if it was due to the chemo or just being up at 6 a.m.

Yesterday's mail contained a card from Kathy E. She continues to get blog updates from a friend who checks on my Journey frequently. As always I appreciate the cards and support. Kathy is a multi-time survivor and this alone helps keep me focused.

Hopefully I'll continue to feel good over the next few days and can enjoy doing some outdoor activities over the long weekend. I will be nice to feel a little more active again.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Phase II

The Hero's journey is often divided into a series of smaller quests. Each has its own threshold the Hero must approach, and each has its own challenges or tests. This week marks the approach of new threshold for me, as Phase II of chemo begins.

The last three rounds of chemo are with a drug known as Taxotere or Docetaxel. I'll receive this intravenously over an hour or so, with the first session Thursday. This drug is known to cause allergic reactions and patients must take a steroid known as Decadron (aka Dexamethasone) in three doses prior to the chemo session -- the first dose 12 hours before chemo, the second three hours before, and the final dose one hour prior to chemo. My chemo session is at 9 a.m. so I'll take my pre-medicine at 9 p.m., 6 a.m. and 8 a.m. After the final dose I have to call the pharmacy and let them know I've taken the Decadron so my chemo dose can be mixed. There's no chemo if I mess up my meds. I'll take three more doses of the Decadron following chemo.

The good news is nausea and vomiting are not common side-effects for this drug...although I have a back-up prescription in case I prove the exception. More common are nail changes (yellowing and ridges), dry skin, water retention (another reason for the steroids), and pain in the joints and muscles. Hair loss is also a side-effect, but I don't have much left to lose.

My doctor couldn't feel the lump in the lymph nodes at all and the one in my breast is now pea-sized. She says this is good. She'll also reach out to my surgeon in the next couple of weeks and coordinate a visit with her to discuss the surgery, which will likely take place in late July.

My next clinic appointment will be a week early, May 26th, because of an oncology conference in the US. This will mean an extra trip over to the clinic because I'll still have to go in twice the following week for my regular blood work and chemo.

My mailbox has been busy this week. Yesterday I received a package from my Kentucky teammates. (Yes, I work on a team spread out over multiple states and two countries.) This package contained all kinds of goodies including: a card, a book (The Soloist), chocolates, a bracelet handmade by Susan, a Harry Potter wand (I knew I was special), angel mugs and tea, and an angel pin. It was like Christmas morning wading through the layers of bubble wrap. I also received a couple of cards this week -- one from Ilene in Framingham and one from the Colorado group. Thank you everyone -- you continue to give me strength and courage throughout this journey.

Cole and I went for a quick walk up the street and back. It was a little on the cool side here so we didn't go too far. Tomorrow is supposed to be warmer, so we'll treat ourselves to a longer walk in the park; I can't think of a much better way to spend my pre-chemo day then spending some quality time with my pup. (Tess just had a hair cut and is minding the cold, so she'll stay home with Rob.)

Monday, May 11, 2009

Weekend Warriors

The Hero needs to continually learn new skills to advance his quest. This weekend I learned a new skill, not that it will help directly with my particular quest, but it did provide a welcome distraction from the week ahead.

Kelly and I took a Beyond BOW archery workshop on Saturday. We were introduced to the basics of the sport, allowed to practice in the indoor arena and then we were taken outdoors to the club's 3-D archery range. Here we shot arrows at a wide array of targets including boar, deer, bear, turkey, antelope and leopard. We both did pretty well at hitting the targets, and Kelly put two arrows into the kill zone of the running boar -- a target attached to a pulley system which flies across the path. She so modestly pointed out that my shot was equally as good -- I hit the rope, which is a much smaller target, just not the one I was hoping to hit.

It was a beautiful day for walking through the woods, although I found the black flies to be a distraction. We did have the privilege of seeing a pair of pileated woodpeckers.

On the way home we stopped at the Fox Hill Cheese Factory, Blomidon Nurseries and Hennigar's Farm Market. The Cheese Factory makes gelato (delicious) and a wide variety of cheese. I picked up block of gouda but several cheddars are available as well as havarti, smoked gouda, quark and feta (there are more -- the sample tray had about 18 different offerings). Kelly picked up a Japanese quince at the nursery for her mom and I bought some fresh rhubarb at the farm market and made a pie.

Sunday morning Rob and I got in the truck and drove to my parents. Dad is home from the Yukon for a couple of weeks and we figured with my chemo cycle this week, yesterday was the best day to make a quick visit before he heads back. Mom had lobster for supper, which was delicious, and my pie was served up as dessert. My brother Wally, his wife Jen and the kids also arrived and stayed for a couple of hours. We looked at the photos Dad had taken this trip out, including buffalo up to their bellies in snow and the stunning mountain vistas. I even had a chance to chat with my youngest brother James, who called while we were visiting. On the way home we saw a turkey vulture on the edge of the road; a relatively rare site for this part of the province (although my sources tell me the species is now more common and there have been sightings in Cape Breton).

Rob introduced Jessica to the fine art of casting. We gave the kids fishing gear for Christmas. Mom has a huge back yard so Rob put a weight on his spinning rod and showed Jess how to cast. He was impressed at how quickly she was picking it up. He's looking forward to getting the kids out fishing.

This week starts the treatment cycle again. I have my doctor's appointment and blood work tomorrow afternoon, then Thursday is chemo treatment number four. This will be the first treatment with the second drug. Instead of three different drugs being pumped into my system, the next three treatments are one type of drug (at least that's my understanding at this point). Nausea is not supposed to be an issue with the last three rounds...although fatigue may be a larger factor. Only time will tell. I'm just glad we're passing the halfway mark with the treatments; it gets old pretty quickly.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Cards and More

I never before gave a lot of thought to cards. I mean when I do send cards I give a lot of thought to the card I select and try to find something appropriate. I send cards for some birthdays (although I perennially forget dates and end up sending a card early or late, rarely on the correct date) and I send sympathy cards. I have to say I either haven't known people with a extended illness or it never occurred to me send a card.

One truth I will take away from this experience is cards are nice. They let you know someone cares, and he/she is thinking of you. I get a little thrill when I open the mailbox and bills and flyers aren't the only items residing in its dark interior.

This week I received a card from Rob's Aunt Carol, she's one of the youngest of his Dad's siblings (there were 11 in all), the Colorado crew sent a card and Glenda sent a card and a beautify hand-knit shawl (I'm going out on a limb here, but my guess is she made it). It will be good for curling up on the couch reading or when I'm back to work and cold air blows down on my neck and I need the extra warmth to fight off the chill.

Today I took Tess to the groomer. Once a year we get her clipped and she goes from long fur and looking like she weighs 70 pounds to short fur and looking like a lanky puppy -- all head and legs. The groomer was fretting she didn't do as a good a clip as other times, but said Tess seemed more stressed by the task. She refused to lay down throughout the session so ended up standing for the two-and-half hours it took to clip a garbage bag full of fur from her frame. She seemed a little sore and stiff when I picked her up. However, given the fact she's going on 14, I did expect it would be more of struggle to get her groomed, especially given the fact she doesn't enjoy the process at all.

Not much else going on. I made lunch for Kelly and myself to take on our archery workshop tomorrow. I took a page from Glenda's book and roasted a small chicken to make sandwiches. I made an extra one for Rob, he's planning on taking his new fly reel and trying it out... it may be time to head towards the shad waters as the rumours on the online fishing boards indicate the shad are running. Hopefully the weather cooperates with all out outdoor plans for tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The Good Week

I like to think of this week as the good week in the cycle. I feel good, my energy levels approach normal (although I do everything in fits and spurts because I do tire quickly), and I begin to dread the next week when it all goes out the window again. I feel robbed on days like today when it is cool and gray outside, because I want the sunshine to be there while I have the wherewithall to enjoy it -- like it was on Monday.

Rob took a few hours off on Monday and we (just the two of us) went for a drive. We walked along one of our favorite trails, no dogs pulling us, and enjoyed it. We saw large fish jumping (Rob was sorry he had left his fly rod in the truck), a snake, a partridge and a porcupine. Truth be told, when walking the dogs, you rarely see anything but their tails wagging. Then we stopped at some likely looking water while Rob fished and a I read. The sun was shining, the bugs weren't yet out. It was a beautiful day.

Yesterday I took Cole for a walk around the neighborhood. Normally I restrict us to just our street, but yesterday we did the whole loop. It's not a long walk by any stretch, maybe a couple of kilometers. When I'm fit it takes about 30 minutes to walk it, yesterday it was more like 40.

I received a card in the mail this week from Rob's Aunt Althea. It is lovely to hear from these women I've only met in passing over the years at birthdays or funerals. As each card comes in Rob tells me a story from his childhood about the sender and their visits.

This week my boss is in town and I'm joining the team for supper. It's nice to be kept in the loop even though I'm off work, and will continue to be for months yet. I'm sure at some places as soon as someone walks out the door they are rarely thought of until they walk back in. To say we've been impressed with my colleagues over these past few weeks would be an understatement.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Food, Friends and Fun

The Hero often finds time long as he wanders through the countryside. Maybe that is part of the reason why he has so many mentors and companions -- these roles are vehicles to speed up the plot and provide our Hero with distraction. This weekend was full of companions and mentors and it passed in the blink of an eye.

Dave and Ange spent Friday evening with us. It was a lovely relaxing time. I made a lasagna in the afternoon and an easy puff pastry apple tart. They brought a cheesecake, caramel sauce, garlic bread and wine. Plus gifts for me -- a soft pillow and throw, perfect for afternoon naps. It was a fun evening and we got to hear about Dave's reno projects, his new job and Ange's travel plans for later in the year. I think the last time we saw them would have been my birthday in February.

Wally called Saturday morning. He, Jen and the kids were in town and dropped out for a quick visit. They were driving a new-to-them car they are in the process of buying. Ryan saw a bee and got a little freaked out. He's going to have to get over that...his house has tons of flowering plants. It was the first time the kids had seen me with no hair and they both seemed a little shy because of it. Jen reminded them they had talked about how the medicine I took made my hair fall out, but made me better...still it is a shock when you're not used to seeing my nearly bald head all the time.

Saturday evening Kelly came out and we started our "Sex and the City" marathon. We made it through seasons one and two. It seems very decadent to do nothing but watch back-to-back episodes of a show all evening and all day; decadent but fun. I'm guessing next time we'll tackle one season at a time. Rob was a sweetheart and gave us lots of space -- he did a little fishing and watched a ball game or two.

I received a card from Lisa on Friday. She included the means to treat myself to a DQ Blizzard. As she says, every life needs a little a ice cream. Of course it would be better if she was here to share, but I'll think of her while I'm enjoying it.

It's been like an extended Christmas around here, with all the gifts. And while I enjoy being spoiled, I want to stress that it is not expected or necessary. I don't want anyone to feel obligated to give me gifts! Your calls, notes and visits are more than enough to perk me up and lift my spirits.

The weather looks good for today. I think I'll take advantage of it and get Cole out for a walk (gotta burn off all the food I ate over the weekend) and maybe do some weeding. After all the activity on the weekend I'm charged up and ready to face the week.