Catching Up

We had brunch with Ian, June, Dave and Ange a little over a week ago. June confided she had just learned another of her friends had breast cancer. It was a woman she had urged to get a mammogram following my own diagnosis. I am relieved she took June's advice and was tested. By catching it early her treatment plan should be a lot easier to handle and she may be able to have a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy. If I my experience means at least one woman gets tested and catches cancer in its earliest stages, well, it makes what I've gone through easier to understand.

Last weekend we were in Pictou. Rob was finishing up the hunting season there. Four beautiful does stood on the front lawn and grazed their way to the back while we watched. He only had a buck tag, so they were off limits. His mother called tonight to say they spent the last hour watching four deer in their yard, including a four-point buck. Oh well, there's always next year.

While in Pictou, Rob drove to Antigonish to visit with one of his former co-workers. Rhonda raises sheep and sells meat, blankets and other woolen products. She very generously sent a scarf to me. It's beautiful and knowing it is made from fleece of her flock makes it very special.

I started writing Christmas cards today. I sent one bunch off and hopefully will have the rest sent out by the end of the weekend. Several are going to the States and I'm hoping they make it in time for Christmas. I did receive a note from Julie post-radiation, congratulating me on another stage completed.

I also heard back from Casting for Recovery. The program teaches women with breast cancer how to fly fish and provides and opportunity to speak with others going through the same issues. It was supposed to take place in October, but with the H1N1 virus being so prevalent it was postponed until February. It now seems the event will take place not in Ontario as originally scheduled, but in Bermuda. Bermuda in mid-February...I think I can handle that. I won't have all the details until the new year but I'll share them as soon as I get them.

I finally received a call from the Lymphodema Clinic. I'm schedule to attend a session in February. There is a slight possibility if someone cancels I'll make the session in January. The program will help me identify ways to prevent this permanent side-effect and ways to manage it if it does develop. I'm hoping I'll get some exercises and a sense of what I can do and should avoid.

All in all, it has been pretty busy lately. I attended the staff Christmas party, started shopping, have some of the decorations up and I've been trying to get out several times a week walking.

Radiation Fallout

It is a week today since I had my last treatment and I wish I could report that I am back to normal. (Of course some would argue I was never normal, so there's no hope of me getting there regardless.) The treatment has done a number on my skin and I have two sores, or more accurately burns, which I'm treating with a prescriptive ointment. One is on my neck and the other is under my left arm. I know it could be a lot worse but these are tender and it has been a challenge to find a way to cover the affected area and not bother the surrounding skin which is also sensitive. I've tried not covering it at all, but then I get the cream everywhere. I'm now using a sterile pad and tape and just using care as to where I put the tape.

Last Thursday we went to Rob's parents. He took some well deserved vacation time which didn't involve going to a doctor's appointment. It is still hunting season and he wanted to try for a deer in that part of the province. I'm sorry to report he wasn't successful and I'm still waiting for my freezer (the deal is he gets a deer, I get a freezer). While hubby was busy hunting, I rounded up my brother-in-law Richard (Diane's husband) and made the trek out to Digby Neck where Kathy E lives.

It is about an hour's drive and a ferry ride to the island and we had a beautiful trip out. The weather turned before we got back and I ended up driving part way home in a heavy downpour. It was a very nice visit. Kathy had let it be known earlier in the year that she wanted to meet me in person after reading my blog and praying for my recovery for so long. Hopefully I met her expectations and the visit wasn't a disappointment for her. She seemed very happy to meet me and she hadn't seen Richard for ages. We spent two-and-a-half hours chatting before leaving to catch the ferry back. Kathy lives in a beautiful, seaside, century home. Richard and I both love this type of architecture and were quite taken with the wide cornices, tin ceiling, narrow plank flooring and deep baseboards.

Rob and I returned to the city on Saturday. Poor Tess had an upset tummy and was sick multiple time during the early morning hours. I think from 3 to 7 a.m. we barely got a wink of sleep. She'd be sick, we'd take turns cleaning it up, we'd crawl back in under the blankets and just start drifting off and repeat the process. She's better now, but she obviously had a bug of some sort.

On Sunday Rob and I took a drive (Cole was still at the kennel) and I cut a bunch of bows to make a green wreath. I have to pick up a frame, but hopefully I'll get that done today. The neighbors next door have decorated for Christmas, and while it is very pretty, it makes my display look rather anemic -- despite the fact that I invested in new lights this year. I also need to decide on what cookies I plan to make on Thursday when I meet Marion, Kelly and Robyn for our cookie bake. I'm leaning towards a citrus square and a batch of my grandmother's shortbread (now I just have to find that recipe).

Radiation Treatment Done

Eventually the Hero hits the end of the road, his quest completed, and has to go back to his life in the real world. He leaves his mentors behind, he thanks those who have helped him on the way and he goes back to his village to lead a quiet and peaceful life...at least in theory.

Today marked the end of my cancer treatment. I'll have a few follow-up appointments in the coming months, but no one, including me, expects these to be anything but routine. Twenty-five radiation treatments are behind me and overall I've tolerated them well. I have a red, dry rash on the left side of my neck and my left armpit is very sore and angry looking. The rest of the treated area looks like I fell asleep in the sun. I have creams and gels to use to treat the area and I'll have to be very careful with sun exposure in the future...no topless beaches for me.

Now I just have to get on with the act of living a healthy lifestyle...exercise, healthy eating, lots of rest. Doctor's orders. I've been trying to walk four or five days a week, for at least 30 minutes. It was pretty easy the last week or so with the beautiful weather.

I took in a big tray of ginger cookies to the radiology team as a thank you. I don't know how they do their job so cheerfully every day. While I wasn't the youngest person receiving treatment I was in the younger third of those in the waiting room. They regularly deal with older people who become quite debiliated by the treatment and whose skin gets much worse-looking than mine. I was being set up for the second blast when one of the techs came in and said how wonderful the cookies are. It's kind of funny...the recipe for them came out of an old IWK cookbook I've had for years.

Rob and I went out for supper to celebrate, nothing fancy, just my favorite bruschetta pizza at Boston Pizza which we followed up with some Christmas shopping.

I'm just glad to have all the treatment behind me in time to focus on getting ready for Christmas. I've got my outdoor lights up and the greenery I put up around the railing.

The next phase -- our poor hero never gets to rest, that's why all good fantasy writers put out sequels -- is all elective. I say it is elective, but in my mind what comes next is as essential as the treatment I've just completed. I'm still waiting for a date for my hysterectomy and of course reconstruction won't happen until next spring/summer (I won't even have a follow-up with the plastic surgeon for six months.)

I'm glad to have this behind me. And I thank all of you who followed my blog with great regularity, who sent me cards and gifts, who said prayers or sent positive energy.

This isn't the end of my blogging, but I won't be making updates unless there is a change or new information to add. I do plan to do up a tally...how many visits to the hospital, parking costs, medication costs etc.

Saying Farewell to a "Mentor"

During his journey the Hero is frequently guided by numerous mentors. Some will teach him skills, while others will help him achieve specific tasks or goals. This week I said farewell to one of the key mentors responsible for my recovery.

Yesterday, I saw my oncologist for the first time since I completed chemotherapy at the end of June. She was very pleased with my recovery and upon reading the pathology report (which she had faxed to her during the appointment) she was absolutely beaming. "This is the best we could hope for," she said, "to prevent recurrence." As I've reported previously, the chemo did its job so well there were no traces of the tumors remaining.

Unless I develop another tumor I won't be seeing anyone in the oncology department again. She says all that is required at this point is monthly self-breast exams (or chest exams in my case), regular quarterly checkups with my family doctor and yearly blood work. I won't need to go for a CT because they try to limit the number of CT scans because they can cause cancer. Basically she cautioned me to listen to my body and when something doesn't seem right...go see my GP.

We also discussed a few side-effects I've had since treatment stopped. There is a persistent feeling of numbness/swelling in both my right hand and my feet. She says the D portion of FEC-D chemo can sometimes cause nerve damage and this is probably what I am experiencing. This may or may not go away. It really doesn't affect my day-to-day life in any way except as a minor irritant. I can still walk, type, paint etc. The treatment also stopped my monthly cycles, which she confirms are not likely to restart. However, I do need to protect myself against osteoporosis which means taking calcium and vitamin D and being physically active. I'm trying very hard to get into the habit of walking and so far so good this week -- Cole and I have been out twice for an hour each and Tess and I were out once for about 20 minutes (she can't go as far, nor as fast as she once did). Now I just need to keep it up. It is recommended I have a bone density scan in three or four years to gauge any bone loss.

Yesterday was my regular appointment with the radiation therapy nurse too. (Yes, I probably spent about two hours at the hospital.) I'm glad I didn't have treatment today because the skin is becoming quite sensitive. I look like I have a minor sunburn on my left side, up to my neck and under my arm. In fact the other night my arm was itching so badly I had to get up and apply more cream. I treat it with a hydro-cortisone cream provided by the doctor, and apply aloe gel to the rest of the area which is still only a little pink. The good news -- only four more treatments until I'm through.

The Hero is on his way back to his own world after a long a arduous journey. It will be good to put this all behind me and get on with the task of putting myself back together.

Snow and Warm Blankets

Today I trekked across the city through slush and pools of water, thanks to our first snowfall of the season. I think it impacted all of the appointments as everyone seemed to be waiting. There was a feeling of restlessness over the waiting room and it was more crowded then usual.

The staff is always concerned about patient comfort and several times I've been offered heated blankets; today I took the technician up on the offer as the radiology room was a little chilly. I got goosebumps on my back as soon as I removed my robe in preparation for treatment. It is rather decadent to lay down under a warmed blanket, the heat just seems to seep into you.

I have six treatments left and a break in the middle of next week because they don't do treatments on Remembrance day. I'm not sure what I'll do with myself when its over. I've gotten used to the daily trek across the city. Fortunately I'll be consumed by pre-Christmas preparations. Kelly, Marion, Robyn and myself have a cookie baking tradition. We're doing it at Kelly's new apartment this year on the American Thanksgiving, which also happens to be Marion's birthday. It's enjoyable to hang out with the girls and we each go home with an assortment of goodies. I've been perusing my Christmas book trying to decide what cookies/bars to make this year. They have to be easy, quick and tasty.

Cole and I topped up the bird feeders when I got back from treatment. Tess was busy just wandering around the yard, not paying attention to anything which is why she ran into the rain gauge. So far we've had blue jays, gold finches, nuthatches, hairy and Downy woodpeckers, mourning doves and chickadees. The chickadees are so bold they sit within feet of me while I fill the feeders. Cole loves the snow and was tearing madly around the yard; "swimming" though it on his side.

Nine Treatments Left

Nine treatments of radiation left. So far the side-effects are minimal...pinkness on the breast area and a bit of a rash on my collar bone. I met with my radiologist briefly today. He's happy with the way treatment is progressing. I've been given a cream to apply to the area to mitigate the symptoms.

Everyone seems surprised that I'm not more fatigued. My doctor says he believes the fact that I've been somewhat active throughout the course of my various treatments has helped in that regard. I figure I've been sleep deprived for years due to life with pets that I just don't know any different.

Rob is a way this week, in Colorado, for his company's annual meeting. We spent last weekend at Mom and Dad's as it was the opening of hunting season. He saw deer...but they were does and he only has a buck license. Of course that is one step better than last year.

I received several cards this week. One from Helen, Julie and the Southville Church.

Van Morrison, Norah Jones -- The Soundtrack to Radiation

Today was treatment 11 as well as my regularly scheduled session with the nurse/resident or radiologist. Today I saw the nurse. My treatment seems to be going well and the skin is still only mildly pink. The nurse seemed quite pleased with it when she looked at it today.

Each day when I go in the staff has a CD playing in the background. The first week it was a CD of Van Morrison tunes; this week it is a Norah Jones disk. I try to listen to the music while I'm being pushed and pulled and lined up with the machine, it also helps me stay relaxed during the process. I sometimes feel like I'm a piece of clay because the most minute adjustments are them just pushing on my skin. I asked about it the other morning because it seemed to be taking longer than usual to get set up and I was told sometimes the movements are to line up the marks by fractions of millimeters. I don't know whether to be comforted by such precision or to be worried -- what happens if I sneeze or yawn? Am I going to accidentally radiate an area which should not be radiated?

I had an eye appointment last week. My vision has changed a little (surprise, surprise) but fortunately it isn't a great deal. I'm going to try contact lenses again. I tried them the last time, but nothing quite fit the shape of my eye and I didn't find them comfortable. However, as with everything these days, the technology has changed and there are several new products on the market I can try.

Rob is gearing up for deer hunting season. We'll spending opening weekend in Pictou (which means I don't have to lay in a supply of Halloween treats and won't be left eating them either). Then he heads to Colorado for his annual company meeting. He'll be gone six days...I may paint the kitchen ceiling while he's out of town. I'll have to wait to see how my energy is.

I've heard through the grapevine that Socrates' surgery has gone well and he should be home this week. My friend Sharon is undergoing some tests today, and is still hospitalized.

I had a card from the crew in Colorado in the mail today.

Eight Treatments Down

Eight down, seventeen more to go. Tomorrow's treatment is very early; it's at 8 a.m. This means, because of traffic, I'll have to leave the house at 7 a.m. and be up 6:30. Anyone who knows me well knows these are not the hours I prefer to keep. I'm not a nice person that early in the day. Of course, that's the opening some will need to say I'm just not a nice person and the time of day has nothing to do with it.

Treatment is going well. I'm usually in and out of the hospital in about 20 minutes or less. I'm on a first-name basis with several of the people I see most often, and I now automatically volunteer my birthday to anyone I haven't seen before. This is one of the ways they check to see if they have the right person and correct treatment plan.

I met with one of the radiation residents this week. I'm not sure if she's new, or just doesn't have a sense of humor. I've joked several times with different health staff, saying I wouldn't know what to do if I had an appointment where I didn't have to take my shirt off. It always get a response...not so with this girl. I looked at her and said "that's a joke". She still didn't smile. My philosophy is if you don't find the humor in the situation, you'll end up losing your mind.

Wally, Jen and the kids (and dogs) dropped by last night. We got take-out pizza. I realized I need to update my blog a little more frequently after Jen said, "Wally checked your blog first to see what you guys were doing today..." Obviously he didn't see anything and had to use that old-fashioned thing called a phone. It was great to see them. Ryan made us a "Secret Book", complete with codes. According to the back of the book, it is part of a series, because it says "Look for More Secret Books!"

I had lunch today with Marion, Kelly and my former manager Ben, who is in town to meet with his team. It was really good to see everyone, especially Ben, who was last in town a year ago. Where does the time go?

Speaking of time, I have an eye appointment tomorrow in addition to my radiation. I can't believe it's been two years already.

The mail this week included a card from Kathy E. and a package from Bonnie M. Thank you again ladies for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. My friend Sharon, who was diagnosed with breast cancer in August, was hospitalized this week with pneumonia. I'm sure they'll get her straightened out and home soon. She was planning a trip to Halifax next week; I'm waiting to hear if she's still coming or if she's postponing it. I'm also waiting to hear on Socrates. I believe he was scheduled for surgery this week. As I am in others' thoughts and prayers, these are two people in my own thoughts and prayers.

Five Treatments Down

The Hero often marks progress in his journey by milestones along the road. Literally these are markers along the route which allow the Hero to know how far he has travelled and how much more distance he needs to cover before reaching his destination. Figuratively, this is like Julia Roberts' character trying all the different egg dishes in Runaway Bride. For her it is a measurement of her journey of self-discovery.

My personal milestone of the moment is each completed radiation treatment. Today wrapped up session five, which means only 20 more to go. I am officially one-fifth of the way through this phase of treatment.

Tomorrow is clinic day and I'll see the radiologist, or more likely, his nurse (I apparently only see the radiologist a couple of times during treatment) following my session. I'm already noticing a little pinking of the tissue on the left side. Hopefully it won't get too much worse. I treat the skin twice daily with aloe gel and I've been using baby soap to wash (as directed by the clinic).

The worst part of the treatment is the drive across the city. But I realize I have it easy compared to some of the other patients in the center. I spoke with one woman this morning who drives in two hours from her home. Then she drives back two hours. I'm guessing, like me, she must do this for five weeks. Some patients stay in the city with friends or at the "Lodge", especially if they're travelling from the far reaches of the province.

In my last post I said there are three blasts of radiation. There are actually four. One from the top, one at an angle from the top, one from the bottom and one from an angle at the bottom. They've also started covering my chest for part of each session with a bolus, a tissue-equivalent substance placed on the skin to better distribute the dose to the target site.

Overall I've been feeling good. No excessive tiredness yet. My mobility continues to improve each day...although after doing housecleaning on Saturday my arm is a little stiff again.

I received a note from Trudy last week and a phone call from her on the weekend. It was really good catching up with her again and hearing about her recent concert experiences.

I also chatted with my SunLife representative last week. Fortunately there is no pressure from that side to hurry back to work between phases of treatment. I was worried I might be required to go back to work following radiation and then have to start the leave process all over again prior to my next surgery, but that won't be the case.

One Down, Twenty-four To Go!

Today was my first radiation treatment. The first session is always a slightly longer appointment because they check the markings, take a reference X-ray and then do the actual treatment. My left shoulder feels tired from being placed in an awkward position for so long, but then again so does my right shoulder and it was just resting against the platform.

The radiation itself is aimed at the chest from three different angles: straight down, with the machine directly above me; from the side, with the machine at a 30 degree angle to my chest; and from beneath, with the machine pointing up towards my back (or side, it's a little hard to say because I wasn't allowed to move my head to look).

The hardest part about today was laying still. I could never be a painter's model. From the first moment the tech said "now lay still, we'll do all the moving" it felt like every cell in my body needed to move. I found myself tensing for no reason and had to force myself to relax several times. I felt like my tissues were vibrating from the strain of not moving. However, the tech said it went well and we'll do it all again tomorrow. She recommended I get some aloe gel and apply it to the area to keep it moisturized and reduce the risk of irritation.

I had a quick meeting with the radiologist to discuss whether we need to do all 25 treatments. He recommended we continue with the course of treatment as planned. So, from now until November 17 I will traipse across the harbour for daily radiation (with the exception of Remembrance Day and weekends). Fortunately it looks like I can request a time frame for my treatments, so I've asked if they can be scheduled between 9:30 and noon. We'll see what happens; I get my new schedule on Friday.

We spent Thanksgiving weekend with Rob's parents and had wonderful visits with Debbie and Bruce, Diane and Richard and his cousin Clarence and his wife, Linda. Rob did some bird hunting and pre-deer season scouting and I tried to get rid of a head cold by just resting and taking it easy. Seems to have worked as my throat isn't sore today and my head is only mildly stuffy.

Date and Time for Radiation

In less than a week I begin radiation. It's the next phase of my journey; the insurance policy so to speak against the cancer recurring. I'm scheduled for 25 sessions, beginning Tuesday at 12:30. I hope to meet with my radiologist on Tuesday following my first session to discuss the total number of treatments in light of the clean pathology report. I don't want to skip out on radiation altogether, but I'm hoping the number can be backed up, to something more like 15 to 20 sessions. I know from speaking with people and other research the side-effects get worse the more sessions you have.

Otherwise it has been quiet. I'm getting more mobility in my arms every day. My left arm is still weak and hurts periodically, not a great pain, more like a twinge if I move it wrong or abruptly. I can finally sleep on my stomach again for short periods, although my shoulders get kinked up pretty easily. More stretching is needed I guess. I've started my fall house cleaning (missed the spring cleaning completely), so we'll see how good my arm really is. I'm taking it slowly, and making sure I take lots of breaks.

We were in Pictou last weekend. Mom, James and I went to visit my aunt Sheren. She was diagnosed with cancer 15 years ago and she's been a rock for me throughout this journey, one of my many mentors. We talked about the "sisterhood" of breast cancer. We both have had experiences where we've been drawn to strangers because of the disease.

My contacts tell me my co-worker Socrates is scheduled for surgery later this month; either the 20 to 21.

I also received a card from Kathy E. Her daughter had found a lump in her breast, but fortunately the test results show it is benign. However, it was a very stressful time for her, until she received the news.

Friends Along the Journey

From the beginning of the journey our Hero is fortunate to be supported by many friends and mentors along his path. It is through this support he finds the strength and will to continue along the road before him. Would Julia Robert's character in Runaway Bride ever have made it to the altar without the support of her friends? Those who believe she can do it, even as she walking out of the church?

The support of friends has played a huge role in my recovery. From people I've known more than 20 years to those I've met in the last five through work, and then there are others I've met even more recently. This week I received a post card from Lisa -- who manages to find the coolest retro looking cards, a card from the Southville church, and a box of goodies from my friends in the Framingham office.

It would take far too long to list all the goodies in the box, but let's just say I'll have plenty to read, movies to watch when I'm tired of reading, lotions and goodies to make my skin feel great, and on those days when I can't remember anything, I now have a neat little notebook in which to jot down thoughts.

I met Kelly, Marion and Kelly's sister Andrea at the movies last night where Kelly handed off the box; I believe it arrived at the office last week and with all the excitement over the weekend she forgot to give it to me then. The girls insisted I open it there, beside her van, in the parking lot, under the streetlight. I love opening gifts so I was happy to oblige. Someone (Rita?) had taken the time to make labels for many of the bags -- "books", "lotions", "charms" -- and everything was wrapped in cheerful coloured tissue. It wasn't until I got home and was showing Rob the box that I found the cards and the crystal charm which were hidden in some of the tissue.

The cards and messages contained therein continue to remind me that people see me as courageous, inspirational, optimistic and strong. It reminds me of those questionnaires we sometimes are asked to complete -- how you see yourself and how others see you. Sitting where I sit, it is simply taking one day at a time, mixed with a healthy dose of stubbornness (those of you who work with me, you need to watch out for the latter). Is it truly courage when you just don't know how to back down?

The card picked out by Francine is truly in line with the analogy of the journey I've been taking and I want to share the words written within. The cards are from the line "The Faerie Journals" and have a beautiful image on the front. This is the verse:

Shelsea -- "Finder of the Lost"

Humans must cross the sometimes turbulent waters of experience. Shelsea wants us to know she is near to guide us and that the universe challenges us in order to give us the opportunity to discover how powerful we really are. All the courage and all the wisdom you'll ever need you already have in your heart.

I think we all have strength and courage within us, but it isn't until we face adversity, until we are truly tested that we can know how deep these traits go. It isn't until we're supported by friends, that we find we can go deeper and find more of what we need to continue -- be it laughter or hope or faith or wisdom or courage. With friends at our side nothing is insurmountable...not even cancer. Thank you again to all of my friends who have shadowed me throughout this journey.

Wonderful Weekend

There is nothing better than spending time outdoors with some of your closest friends. I was so excited to be given the green light to go to BOW (Becoming an Outdoors Woman) last weekend, I was practically bouncing off the walls. The weekend was great. The accommodations were a little more rustic than other weekends, the food basic but plentiful, but the workshops were fun and the company couldn't be better.

For me the whole weekend helps put everything into perspective and allows me to get in touch with myself. I took the photography and birding workshops, as well as wilderness survival and trout fishing. The wilderness survival module was really interesting and the hands-on component had us creating a shelter in the woods using only what we had in our pack. I was lucky enough to have an uprooted tree in my quadrant, the perfect place to hunker down if rain and nightfall are approaching. One of the participants built her shelter near a hornet or wasp nest (I don't know the difference) and a couple of us (including me) got stung when the leader was critiquing the shelter. The hornets got so upset they wouldn't let one girl pick up her backpack, she had to leave until they settled down again. Fortunately I'm not allergic to stings.

The trout fishing workshop was the only event all weekend with all of us together. Kelly, Marion, Kelly's mom Lindy and sister Andrea (plus our two cabin mates) all took trout fishing on Sunday morning. We fished at a private pond stocked with rainbow and brook trout. I think the best part is watching your friends get a fish hooked. Kelly had one of the large rainbows on briefly and I thought she was going to jump into the water with the fish. We're definitely going fishing next spring. Our cabin mate, Dawn, did land one of the rainbows...it was one of the largest fish I've ever seen anyone catch. It had to weigh in around five pounds. I'm not sure, if in the excitement, anyone thought to weigh or measure it.

I'm already looking forward to the next BOW, I may even try the winter one in February if I get myself geared up with some warm clothing before then.

I received a card from Lois and Del, I think they must have been visiting Rob's parents for the annual sauerkraut supper.

BOW Bound

It has been a roller-coaster week where I have felt pretty much as low as I've felt along this journey and I've hit the highest highs as well. Today clinches it, I'm going to BOW this weekend.

Sensitive people may want to skip this paragraph. BOW was dependent on what was happening with my infection. Last night while readying for bed, I bumped the scab where the left drain came out. When I got up to take my medication at 4 a.m. my PJs were covered in goop. All while I was sleeping the chest was draining through the old hole. I covered it up and went back to bed. When I got up it was the same. I was scheduled to call my nurse to let her know if I had swelling again. Needless to say because the area drained all night there was no swelling at all. Dr. Ginny called me back and said there was no point in her going in and opening me up to put a drain in, if the body was already looking after itself. She gave me directions on how to treat it and I went in to get a fresh dressing and some gauze and tape to carry me through the weekend.

While I had her on the phone I asked her some of the questions we should have asked yesterday regarding the pathology report. I asked her to explain it to me again, and in simple terms the chemo did its job really well, essentially melting away all of the cancer cells both in the lymph nodes and the breast. In fact, she says in the 25 years she been doing this she's never seen a cleaner report. She says at this point radiation is just extra insurance. I'll continue to be followed by the clinic for next five years. Every six months for the first two years and then yearly thereafter.

I had a card yesterday from my friends in the Atlantic Presbyterian Cursillo. Now I have to start packing for tomorrow...'cause I'm going to BOW and spending time with some of my best mates.

Grabbing the Elixir

So all along his journey the Hero has one goal in mind...the elixir. He has fought enemies, been helped by friends and mentors, faced tests and challenges, all for this elusive goal. Of course obtaining it isn't the end of his journey, he has to understand and learn how to use it and then take those lessons back to his own world.

Today I got the news we've all been waiting for. The pathology report is back and I am cancer-free. That's right, between the chemo and the surgery all the nasty little cancer cells are eradicated. Yeah!

Of course, like the Hero, I still have to make my way back to the normal world and return to normal life; and as we know, I'm still a long way from "home". I will still do the radiation, that part of the treatment plan hasn't changed. I will still have the hysterectomy to minimize the chances of developing ovarian cancer, and I plan to have reconstruction too. However, all of this can be done knowing the worst is behind me and the monster guarding the elixir has been slain.

Now, the nasty little infection is slowly retreating too. I was drained again today, 50 ml of gunk. Yesterday's total was really around the 100 ml mark. It foams up going into the bottle so it looked like a lot more. Rob asked today and Lisa confirmed the amount was actually about half of what I reported yesterday. The new plan is we see what happens overnight. If I accumulate more fluid then it's back to the operating room late tomorrow to have it opened up, cleaned out and a new drain installed. Definitely the end of my plans for the weekend. If, however, I don't fill up again, then the antibiotics are really taking hold and nothing needs to be done. The body will eventually right itself and I can go to BOW as planned. Let's keep our fingers crossed for option two.

Again, Rob and I want to thank each of you for your support during the past seven months. It has been a wild roller-coaster ride filled with highs and lows. Your cards, calls, emails, gifts, prayers, energy and positive thoughts have given us great comfort and strength during this time. Through the darkness we were able to see how truly blessed we are in our lives by all of you. We know we've still got a long road ahead of us before life is back to normal, but each day we get a little closer and we thank you for your participation, your role as friends and mentors, along our journey.

Back to the Doctor's Office

Really, they should just build me a revolving door. I was back to the doctor's office this morning (Tuesday -- it is now early Wednesday morning as I write). *Some of you may not want to read from the second paragraph if you have a squeamish tummy. The breast health nurse, Lisa, called last evening to see how I was making out. She didn't like how slowly I seemed to be responding to the antibiotics and wanted to discuss it with my doctor. This morning, she called again and asked me to come in and see one of the physicians on the team.

I think it was the quickest trip to the hospital we've made yet. We left here at 10:30 and were home again by 12:30. Dr. Topp looked at me today and he wasn't particularly happy with what he saw. He decided to drain the fluid (pus) from the area. They cut the breast nerves when they remove them so he was able to insert a needle into the area so easily I didn't realize it was in until he started commenting on on the discharge amount and colour. I only glanced at the bottle, but Rob guesses the doctor removed about a cup of fluid from my chest. He prepared a sample to send to the lab and I have another appointment on Thursday. Dr. Topp has prepared me to expect them to open the area up and clean it out and "pack it". Given that fact that the area is still swollen and red tonight I'm guessing Thursday will be another interesting adventure in medicine.

Needless to say I'm guessing BOW is off the table for this year. Even Kelly, the eternal optimist, concedes if they pack my chest I can't do the weekend. I hope if I let the coordinator know tomorrow, some other woman can take advantage of the opportunity. I may use my disappointment to leverage Rob into seeing a "chick flick" this weekend. We'll see.

On the plus side, I think the fever is finally reacting to the medicine. I think today was the first time it hasn't soared above 37C all day. Plus my headache has finally abated. This afternoon I felt good enough to run the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen. Although it meant a catnap afterwards, perhaps the root of my sleeplessness now. Speaking of which, I received a lovely card from Bonnie M. today, who apparently wrote it during a bout of insomnia at 2 a.m. Off to watch a little TV and hopefully get a little sleep before I get up to take my 4 a.m. antibiotic.

Thanks again for the ongoing prayers and support.

Still Battling

It has been a long weekend. On the plus side, the whole breast removal followed by an infection during which time I completely lost my appetite, has meant I've dropped about 10 pounds in the last month. Other than that the weekend completely sucked. I've done nothing but sleep and watch TV. My temperature has been riding a roller coaster and today is the first day I haven't had a pounding headache. I alternate between chills and fever. Then throw in a couple of night sweats. I've changed my PJs three nights of the last four. And one night I had to find a dry pillow and sleep on the other side of bed.

Rob's fishing weekend got scaled back (no pun intended). He and the other amigos stayed in the city and fished. The trophy is back in my house for the fifth consecutive year -- thanks to a whopping 21-inch bass weighing five pounds.

Hopefully today is the turning point and I start feeling better. I really want to go to my event on Friday. Rob says he can probably drive me which means I won't need to expend that energy at least. Then if I have a setback I can call him to come get me. It's nice that the event is less than an hour from home for a change. If it was in Cape Breton, the five-hour drive would be too daunting. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday for my pathology report...hopefully I'll get the green light for the weekend too.

Another Setback

Well, it was back to the doctor's office yesterday. For the past week I've been running a little fever or having chills. Not all the time, but every other day or so. However, on Thursday both the chills and the fever increased in persistence to get my attention. I was running a fever of 39.1 Thursday night and I called the nurse at the clinic Friday morning. I was asked to come in, and was seen by the surgery resident.

He feels there is an infection somewhere, but aside from some heat on the left side of my chest, and the temperature, I'm not exhibiting any other signs. No redness, no seepage around the wound. He had thought he might need to aspirate the site, but he says there is no fluid there, it is just dense. He prescribed a 14-day round of antibiotics and sent me for a urinalysis and blood cultures.

Let me say again, the IWK is not my favorite place to go for blood work. I'd much rather go to the Dixon Center where they are used to working with hard veins. First there was a debate over whether the doctor wanted the samples taken from one site or two (let me tell you, they're lucky to get blood out of one site these days, the veins in my right arm are all hard, and I'm not allowed to be poked in my left arm ever again). Then the first vein they tried wasn't giving much blood and the girl sticking me called for help. I was long enough with them taking my blood that Rob was getting ready to come looking for me.

I have a follow-up appointment with my surgeon on Wednesday for the pathology report. Hopefully we'll all see an improvement based on the antibiotics. I have plans for next weekend which I'd rather not miss, especially because the event is paid for and at this point is non-refundable.

On an up note. I received two gifts this week. One is a super-soft lounge suit from Kathy W in the Colorado office. I'd be wearing it today, but it is too warm considering the heat I'm still generating. The second gift is the most beautiful scarf I've ever seen. It was hand-woven by Aunt Joyce and it reminds me of a peacock tail. It has the most vibrant, rich colours in it and I can't wait to wear it. It will make even the darkest days brighter.

The boys have moved their fishing weekend to the city (in case I get worse). They were supposed to fish their favorite bass lakes in the Valley, but Rob felt he couldn't be that far away from me in case I do need to be taken to hospital. Kelly may still come out this afternoon. I'm just waiting to see how I feel. I think I've slept about 18 of the last 24 hours.

Drain Free and Tattooed

The Hero often stands out from his peers in some way or another. It may be his size or appearance, his intelligence or his ability to perform specific skills such as fighting or magic. Whatever it is which sets him apart, it also aids him in his journey. My special feature is a set of five new freckle-looking tattoos which will enable the radiation technologists to aim the treatment when it starts.

Today was a great day. Firstly I made good time going across town, in spite of the early morning rush hour traffic. I had my drains removed and had the tattooing completed. All of this, and a stop for a coffee and muffin, and I was home before noon.

The nurse was very pleased with the scars, and the removal of the drains only took about five minutes, most of which was just the preparation -- removing the old band aids, setting up new dressings and snipping the stitches. Removing the drains didn't hurt, it just felt peculiar; I could feel the movement of the drain as it was sliding out from under my skin. I was surprised by the actual appearance of the drains. I guess I was thinking it was just more of tubing extending underneath my skin, like a hose siphoning water out of bucket. Instead each drain was flat, about a centimeter wide, half a centimeter thick and about 15 centimeters long with numerous small holes dotting it. I now look like I've been stabbed with a carving fork in the middle of my chest, but I'm told the holes will heal over in short order. I felt immediate relief after the drains were removed. Although they weren't hurting, they were causing discomfort and irritating my skin, and both those issues disappeared along with the drains.

The appointment with radiology consisted of an information session, a quick meeting with my radiologist, and the actual calibration and marking. The information session reviewed the potential side-effects -- tenderness, possible redness, fatigue and possible scarring on the lung tissue which could appear in future scans.

I also got my beginning date. Radiation commences on October 13, the Tuesday following Thanksgiving. I'll have 25 sessions in all, Monday through Friday (except holidays) so I should be wrapped up by November 17. I love having start and end dates; it must be all those years working with deadlines.

The calibration was relatively quick. I was asked to lay on a table, my left arm positioned above my head and bent at a 90 degree angle (this is why the post-surgery exercises were so important), my knees were bent and rested on a foam wedge and they put plastic markers on my skin around the affected area. Finally, the technicians made temporary marks with markers, checked the calibration using the scanner and then I got my tattoos. The spots are little and look a bit darker than my natural freckles. I'm told they'll fade some over time. They basically mark the outline of the area to be radiated. I'm looking forward to starting this next phase and getting it behind me.

Yesterday I dropped by the office for a few hours. The team had lunch together and I had a chance to touch base with many of my colleagues. I think it was about four o'clock before I was able to work my way out of the building. It was great visiting and catching up with everyone.

This weekend Kelly is coming out. She, Marion and I are going to do some shopping together. The next weekend we're taking a Becoming an Outdoor Woman workshop. The next few weeks are going to be busy and I'm sure the time between now and when I start radiation will fly.

Delayed Again

Well the drains are still in. I did a little light gardening on the weekend...getting rid of some dead leaves, flower stems etc. basically tidying up the gardens; the gardens look one hundred per cent better. However, the downside is I also increased my circulation and the amount of fluid emptying into the drains, which means they didn't come out today either. I have an appointment for Wednesday morning to have them removed, prior to going to the Radiation department to have my markings made.

I was also running a bit of a temperature on Sunday and was a little worried I might be developing infection, a possibly given the length of time my drains have been in; however my temperature was normal this morning, so it must have been a bug I picked up.

I received cards from Diane G. and the Tiverton Christian Church as well as a package from one of Rob's co-workers with a couple of books and a card.

Rob says I should mention that my hair is coming back and is becoming quite thick. At this point it is just dark, inch-long fuzz and I can't really tell what colour it will be or if it is coming in curly. I have notice my eye lashes all have a kink in them and the right eye has longer lashes than the left eye. I don't know if it was that way before or not.

Tomorrow I'm having lunch with some of my co-workers and I'm quite looking forward to the outing.

Goodies Galore

I had some visitors last night. The Contract Center manager, Debby, and a coworker, Tammy, dropped by on their way home from work. They came with a gift and card from the management team. It was another phenomenal basket filled with goodies. I tried to take a picture of it, but none of them turned out. The basket (actually a pretty purple metal bucket) was full of fruit and chocolate, cookies, and a block of cheese. It was lovely and the card was signed by most of the management team and included Starbucks gift cards. I guess I'll be taking Rob out for coffee soon. They stayed for a little bit and we had a nice visit. I think by keeping in touch with colleagues and at least having a passing knowledge of what is taking place at the center it will be easier when I finally go back to work.

I also talked with Sharon R. last night; she's my neighbour's aunt who just found out she has breast cancer. She goes in for round two of her chemo on Monday, six more to follow. Sharon lives out west and is hoping to come stay with her brother and have at least one treatment here. We chatted for about an hour and will get together when she visits. I've said from the beginning if my experience can help someone else then something good has come out it. Sharon had many questions and I did my best to share my experience honestly with her. Of course, we both know that each person reacts to treatment differently, but it is reassuring to discuss the process with someone who has already been through it. I did recommend she should look into the Look Good, Feel Better program, as I found this to be very helpful.

I still have my drains; hopefully if not by tomorrow then by early next week they'll be taken out. Meanwhile next week's doctor's appointment is a visit with the radiology team to get tattooed prior to treatment. Another phase of the journey is just about underway.

The Journey Continues

There is a reason why fantasy writers have series of books. It's because the Hero's Journey just keeps on going and going. Today I met with the gyno-oncologist. One of the known factors about the BRCA1 gene is the carrier has an increased probability (35 to 40 per cent greater than the average woman) of developing ovarian cancer. After having an examination and discussing the possible risks, including the early onset of menopause, we have decided to pursue prophylactic surgery to remove the ovaries and uterus.

The biggest issue at hand is, unlike breast cancer, there is no proven screening technology available for ovarian cancer. Too often women who develop this disease discover it too late. Rather than constantly worrying about it and wondering, I've decided to hedge my bets and have it all removed...let's face it, I'm not using it anyway.

My doctor wants to wait until all the radiation is complete and my body has a chance to recover, so it will be late in the year or even early in 2010 before I have surgery. The surgery itself takes two to three hours, with one night in hospital and three to four weeks for complete recovery.

Meanwhile, my co-worker Socrates, is just getting home from a eight-day hospitalization (complete with five blood transfusions) because his body and immune system were too weak to fight a common cold. He's doing better now, but it does go to show the myriad complications and pitfalls a cancer patient faces.

I received a couple of cards yesterday. One was from friends of Rob's family, Irma and Vernie, and my Aunt Pat sent along greetings and included a little angel (whom she asked to watch over me and minimize my hot flashes...hope it works).

What a Weekend

This past weekend is the kind of weather we should have had all summer. Of course maybe we wouldn't have enjoyed the long weekend as much if we were used to three solid days of sunshine.

Rob and I stayed busy, taking advantage of the sunshine. We made a road trip to the Valley on Saturday to pick up a canoe we purchased. We stopped at a farm market and bought our veggies for the week -- fresh corn, beans, cauliflower, beets and new apples. Saturday night Ian and June visited and brought the fixings for supper. I turned over my kitchen and let them cook. I have to say once it sunk in that nothing was required of me except for my presence, and directions to the large pot, I quite enjoyed myself.

On Sunday we took the dogs for a hike on an old logging trail and then we drove deeper into the woods where we saw a bear crossing the road. What a thrill. We were both excited by the sight; I'm sorry I didn't have my camera with me, but Rob got a good view with the binoculars before it ambled away.

Yesterday we left the dogs home and went to a historic village about an hour away (1930s & 1940s era). It was enjoyable touring the old buildings and reading/listening to their history. Plus we ate the cookhouse lunch offered to visitors -- baked beans, egg salad sandwich on homemade brown bread and delicious gingerbread. Then we took the canoe for its inaugural paddle (I just sat up front looking pretty). Good news...it doesn't leak.

Needless to say I'm feeling good. I am still a little tender and I had a blocked drain on the weekend which compounded the tenderness. With a little manipulation I finally got it cleared and the drain flowing again which brought immediate relief. There is still a fair bit of fluid coming out, so it is questionable as to whether the drain will come out tomorrow. I have to call my nurse in the morning and we'll discuss. I'd like to get them out by the end of the week...we'll see. I'm sure I'm going to get tangled in them yet.

I've been doing my exercises so my arm movement is coming along quite well. Today I haven't taken any Tylenol and I'm feeling good. I'll try not to take any until bed time...we'll see how the day goes.

I got a slew of cards last week -- Helen, Aunt Carol, Debbie B, Kathy E, Southville Chuch of Christ and Marion (who also sent a warm cosy sweater for me via Kelly who was out Friday). Thank you again all of you.

A Drainage Delay

We just returned from vising the Breast Health Clinic. It's been a week since my surgery and it was time to have the dressing removed and the drains examined. We were hoping the drains would come out today, but there is still too much fluid. At this rate it will be next Wednesday before they come out. Monday is a holiday, I'll call on Tuesday and get an appointment for Wednesday. This works out well because I have an appointment Wednesday to see the gyno-oncologist too.

On the up side, my nurse today was very impressed with how well the scars are healing. She said they were the best she's seen and told me I was a good healer. Removing the dressings wasn't as bad an experience as I had expected. I'm now free and clear to shower (heading that way shortly) and they gave me some pads to remove the dressing residue.

I still have two small band aids where the drains go in, but that's a lot better than the huge pad I had strapped to my chest all week. I'm a little less sore today than I was yesterday and hopefully by next week the worst of the pain will be over. I expect I may still get twinges now and then because the nerves in the area were traumatized, but we'll see.

I'm planning on enjoying the long weekend regardless. Kelly is coming to supper tomorrow night and Rob and I plan to make a day-trip to the Valley on Saturday.

Life Rolls On

I had an email this morning from one of Rob's sisters. She was checking in because I hadn't blogged and was worried I was feeling off. The truth of the matter is I feel pretty good, and I didn't really have anything to say. But her comment made me worry there are others out there reading who are also concerned because of the lack of updates.

I've basically been taking it easy. I'm doing a lot of sleeping, a lot of reading and watching TV. I even played a video game for a little while. I've been doing my exercises and checking my drains (every day a little less fluid is expelled). I would say mobility on the right side is probably somewhere around 80 per cent of normal, whereas the left is still around 60 or so -- which makes sense when you consider the lymph nodes being removed on the left.

I sat out in the sunshine for a bit yesterday with a book and even got a little color on my skin. Last night Rob and I went for a drive along the coast. The sunset was stunning and the rising moon brilliant.

Today I plan to take some rapidly ripening tomatoes and some roasted peppers and make a salsa to freeze. I made supper last night (although I had to have Rob lift the cover from the barbecue).

The mail was overflowing with cards -- Rob's parents, Aunt Myrt, Aunt Al and Megan all sent messages wishing me a speedy recovery. I have an early appointment at the Breast Health Clinic tomorrow. Hopefully the drains the bandages will be removed then and I can get this itchy tape off of me.

Blessings Abound

Firstly, thank you to each and every one of you who said prayers or sent positive energy my way over the past week, heck the past months. Your ongoing support has given me (and Rob as well) strength and courage throughout this journey.

I'm doing well. I'm not too sore. I've been describing the pain as feeling like I've done too many arm exercises at the gym. If I move too quickly I get a twinge. I sometimes feel like I have electricity running down the back of my left arm...I think this is because the nerves are stressed/damaged from the surgery. I find I'm bothered most at night when I try to get comfortable to sleep. I'm a belly sleeper and trying to fall asleep on my back is next to impossible. I've finally figured out a way to sleep on my right side with a pillow supporting my left arm...it is workable. My biggest concern is getting tangled in the drains or blocking them inadvertently while I sleep. Hopefully they are removed on Thursday as expected.

The drains are attached to me by long, thin, clear tubes and they're a little bigger than a large egg. I have to empty them three times a day and record how much fluid they contain. I'm afraid of bending one of the tubes in my sleep and having the fluid back-up somewhere. I'm sure wherever that is, won't be good. I've been given a pouch to keep them in. I sling it across my body and for the most part it keeps them out of the way.

I'm bruised on my left arm; I assume this is due to the removal of the lymph nodes on that side. I've been doing my exercises. I have to be able to raise that arm and tuck it behind my head before I go to the radiation lab to get marked for the next course of treatment. That session is only a few weeks away.

Everyone has been amazing. I've received numerous notes through Facebook, the comment section on my blog, plus emails and phone calls. I went out to supper with some people from work on Wednesday night and Lucy gave me a big bunch of flowers. Rob's parents sent a second bunch to the house when I got out of hospital. I also received a card from Beth, Deb and Linda from work. Plus we've been eating extremely well. Debbie and Dianne brought boxes of food with them. Kelly gave us jars of her special Alfredo sauce and a casserole her dad made. Marion gave us an M&M Meat card.

Going back to the original analogy of the Hero's Journey, it is fair to say I've reached the cave and found the elixir. Now I just have to learn to understand it before I can move back to my own world. I still have a long way to go. Radiation will take five weeks this fall and I need to build up my strength again. In September I also meet with the gyne-oncologist to discuss the options surrounding my ovaries and the likelihood of developing ovarian cancer. But I know with the support Rob and I have behind us that we can get through all the remaining hurdles.

Home

Hi, Rob again. Sue's home, but she's not quite up to blogging yet so I said I'd fill in. She's doing well. They were a little concerned with the amount of fluid in one of her drains last night, so they took some blood to measure her hemoglobin levels. Turns out they're fine, but it did delay her release a bit. She was seen by a resident this morning, who wanted her to stay until the end of the day to make sure everything was going OK. It was, and they let her go around suppertime. She's a little sore, but not too bad, considering. We stopped and picked up some over-the-counter pain relievers on the way home. Amazing that plain ol' Tylenol can handle post-surgery discomfort, but it seems to be doing a pretty good job.

There shouldn't be any major changes in the next couple of days, so the next update can probably wait until Sue's feeling up to the task. If anything happens of note, one of us will post an update. Thanks again to everyone for the thoughts, prayers and encouragement!

"It went like a dream. Couldn't have gone better."

That's a direct quote from the surgeon who operated on Sue this morning.

We got to the hospital shortly after 6am and took care of the check-in and paperwork and such until around 7:30 when they took her into the O.R. The operation was supposed to start at 7:30 and end around 11. Instead, they didn't actually start operating until 8:30, and by 10:25 Dr. Ginny was delivering the good news. Since the operation was shorter than anticipated, so was the stay in recovery. We (Deb and Di were waiting with me) were waiting when Sue arrived in her room, groggy and nauseous, around noon. She did vomit a few times then and again later when she got up to go to the bathroom (anesthetic drugs, I would assume), but she managed a few quick naps over the course of the afternoon and got progressively stronger with each one. Barring any unexpected hiccups, she should be released tomorrow morning.

We'll have to wait on the pathology report to see exactly what was in the tissue they removed, but Dr. Ginny said she could only identify one lymph node affected by the cancer. She also said there didn't seem to be any tissue damage from the chemo, although the anesthetist did have to put the intravenous in her left arm because of the chemo damage to the veins in her right. It also appears she only has two drains instead of the expected three.

I can't begin to describe the feeling of relief that washed over me as the doctor shared the good news. Up to that point I had been handling things pretty well, but it was all I could do to hold it together as she spoke. I knew on some level we were both stressed over this operation, but I had perhaps underestimated the weight of the load.

I'll let Sue take it from here, except to say thanks again to everyone for their calls, cards, emails, Facebook & blog posts, etc. over the past few days. Thanks so much to my sisters for being there with us this morning. Admittedly, I'm more than a little introverted and independent, and find it exceedingly difficult to admit that I might need some support, but it was very much appreciated.

- Rob

The Big Day

It's early Thursday morning. Much earlier than I would normally be awake. Most of my closest associates know I'm not a morning person. Today is the big day and we'll leave here in a few minutes to make our way to the hospital. My surgery is at 7:30.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers, their positive energy and the food. My fridge overfloweth.

Last night was one of those nights where neither of us slept well. I'm not sure how much was nerves and how much was the restless dog, the loudly purring cat, Rob's heartburn and that paranoia that creeps into you when the alarm is set hours earlier than normal and you're afraid you'll sleep thought it.

Rob will update the blog later today to let everyone know surgery went dazzlingly well and that I'm back to my room. Barring no unforeseen issues I'll be home again tomorrow and I'll blog in a few days.

The Countdown

I can't believe it has been a week since I last blogged. I've been extremely busy with life and trying hard not to think too much about the upcoming surgery.

Last Tuesday I made a flying trip to the Valley, where Wally's family went to the Exhibition with me. It was hot and dusty, but a great day. We toured the barns, watched some of the classes and ate the best french fries in the world. The picture is of baby chicks from the livestock display at the fairgrounds.

On Wednesday my dear friends Dorothy and Jim were in the city and I met with them for a couple of hours in the afternoon. It was wonderful to visit with them. Dorothy and I talked about people we know and Jim and I discussed a couple of books we have both read. I hope I'll see my coffee buddies again, sooner rather than later.

Wednesday night we dropped the dogs off at Mom's and had a chance to visit Aunt Pat and Aunt Lori, who is home from out west with Uncle Bob for a few weeks. We left bright and early on Thursday and were in Toronto and settled in our hotel early in the afternoon. We watched Boston beat the Jays, and saw them creamed by LA on Saturday as well. The Sound of Music was wonderful and we also enjoyed just wandering around the city and exploring. We switched flights and left the city late Saturday night instead of Sunday morning because Hurricane Bill was blowing into town and we were afraid we'd be stuck if the Halifax airport was closed. We arrived home in the wee hours of the morning, dog-tired but having beaten Bill by several hours.

Once the storm died down I drove to Mom's to retrieve the dogs and chatted with Dad when he called. He would like to be here this week when I have surgery, but isn't able to get away from work. I can't say I ever expected him to make the trip from the Yukon for a routine surgery. Today I returned to the city and this evening met Kelly, Andrea and Tanya for a movie to celebrate Kelly's birthday. We saw the Time Traveller's Wife. Kelly has the book and is planning on lending it to me.

My surgery is Thursday. I have to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. for prep and I'm scheduled for surgery at 7:30 a.m. -- the first one of the day. The surgery is three to three-and-a-half hours long and then I'm in recovery for a couple of hours. The doctor will remove both my right and the affected left breast, as well as many of the lymph nodes in my left armpit. Rob's sisters, Debbie and Diane, are arriving Wednesday evening and following us into the hospital Thursday morning. Debbie emailed Rob tonight to say they will stay until I'm out of surgery and settled in my room at the hospital. They both have to work on Friday. I'm glad someone will be with Rob in the waiting room; it may help the time pass more quickly.

Dorothy and Jim brought me a card, and today's mail included a card from Sandye who included a packet of recipe cards from the Pampered Chef. The recipes are part of a fundraiser "Whip Breast Cancer" where a dollar from the sale of each package goes towards research. Pretty cool. I can't wait to try some of the recipes, Sandye.

I posted a comment tonight where I was told I was someone's hero, and that I've probably been a mentor to others throughout this journey. I hope this is true and that someone can benefit from my experience. From the beginning I have been surprised by the number of people I've touched and how many of them have reached out to me. Most recently my neighbour's father stopped me as I was trying to retrieve my dogs from their yard. His sister had a biopsy done to her breast and he wondered if he could talk to me about my experience and ask me some questions. I said of course and we chatted for awhile. He called me a day later to say the test results indicated cancer and his sister will be having surgery too. I hope and pray she'll do fine, just as people have been hoping and praying I'll do fine.

I don't know if I'll blog again before my surgery; but I'll ask Rob to make a post to let everyone know how surgery went when he gets home Thursday.

The Road Ahead

We've talked a lot about mentors in relation to the Hero's journey. Sometimes these are people who simply provide information to better prepare the Hero for the next leg of the journey. Sometimes, through these mentors the Hero meets other people who provide additional information. Today I met with Lisa, a nurse with the Breast Health Clinic. She talked to me about the upcoming surgery and the details around it. She also called for an anesthetic consultation as well.

Never having had any surgery before, the upcoming event has me a little nervous. Where do I go? Who do I see? Do I need my pajamas? Where can Rob sit and when can he see me again? What happens after surgery? What is a drain and how big is it? What do I do with a drain? And what do I need to do to look after myself post-surgery?

Lisa and I talked for about two hours this morning as she walked me through everything from when I arrive at the hospital and register to the exercises I'll need to do at home. She even has my follow-up appointments scheduled for September; the first to check/remove my drains and the second to review the pathology report on the tissue removed.

Lisa showed me a drain and how to work it. She had one in her office and let me play with it to see how it feels and how it works. She also showed me the arm exercises I need to do following surgery and answered my questions about mobility. She's also sent on a referral to the lymphedema clinic (today a standard procedure). It's much easier to try to prevent lymphedema than it is to manage it.

Overall it was a lot of information to take in. I took copious notes, but Lisa also ensured everything was written down in the handbook I received. In addition she asked lots of questions and filled out the pre-op paperwork for the surgery.

Because I've had chemo, which is hard on the heart, she had me have an electro-cardiogram (ECG) and meet with an anesthesiologist. He too had a bunch of questions for me, and after discussing my treatment thus far and reviewing the ECG was quite confident I wouldn't have any problems with being put under. He also explained they would put in a tube to help me breathe during surgery, but that it would be removed immediately following the operation, before I wake up.

Overall the surgery will take about three-and-a-half hours and then a couple more in recovery. Rob will be able to stay with me until I go into surgery and then he'll have to wait in the waiting room. We're both a little nervous about the upcoming surgery, so it is nice we're going away this weekend.

The visit with Trudy and her girls was a lot of fun. We took Emily and Grace geocaching and on Sunday we all went to Kelly's Beach Day where we went clam digging and played in the waves.

In today's mail I received a card from Kathy E. Tomorrow I'm headed to the Valley and the Exhibition with Jen and the kids.

A Clear Path

Sometimes when the Hero is most confused, he meets a mentor. This is a person who will provide information to help redirect the Hero, or at least give him tools to make decisions about the next phase of his journey. Yesterday I met with the latest in a long string of mentors on my travels -- the plastic surgeon.

I felt many of the decisions I needed to make were being sidelined because I was missing information only this doctor could provide. One breast or two, reconstruction options and most importantly -- timelines. Yesterday all of these questions were answered.

First off I will have both breasts removed on August 27. My original concern was if I did, I would have to wait years for reconstruction. My plastic surgeon assured me yesterday I was now on his patient list and he will do reconstruction when my body has healed. However, having said that, I won't have new breasts right away. He won't meet with me again until six months after radiation, and it could be several more months following that before reconstruction can be scheduled.

He reviewed the reconstruction options available and we discussed the pros and cons of each. The first option (really a non-option because I will be having radiation) is a straightforward implant. The surgeon places a "balloon" under the chest muscle and stretches the area to insert either a saline or silicon implant. However, there is a relatively high incidence of the breast becoming misshapen over time as the tissue treated by radiation constricts. My doctor says although the surgery and recovery time for this option are both minimal, he would not recommend this for me.

The second option is latissimus dorsi, a surgery which uses the muscle and tissue from the back. The flap and its blood supply are tunnelled under the skin just below the armpit. It is then put into position to make a new breast shape. An implant may also be used to provide additional fullness. My surgeon says he makes an incision in the back which will be covered by the bra or swimsuit strap, so the scarring isn't an issue. The surgery can take six to seven hours and patients are usually hospitalized for two to three days. At home recovery time is relatively quick. And while I won't be swinging a tennis racket the next week, my day-to-day activities shouldn't be too hampered (Rob may have to vacuum for a week or two). This is most likely the surgery I will pursue when the time is right.

The final option uses the skin and muscle from the stomach region. This is a "free flap" surgery where the tissue and blood supply is completely removed and relocated to the breast. The patient gets new breasts and a "tummy tuck". It is, however, the most complicated of the surgeries and can last 12 hours or more. Post-surgery recovery time is five days in hospital and six to eight weeks afterwards as the stomach heals. There is also a failure rate of 1 in 20, in which the blood supply doesn't work and the new breast doesn't "take". This surgery also leaves scarring between the two hipbones. As my surgeon says it is the biggest upfront investment for long-term gain.

The good news is if I do decide on option three, he says I have enough tissue for at least a "B" sized breast and possibly even a "C". I'm not sure how I feel being told I have enough stomach fat to make two "C" size breasts. The other upside is I've again been told not to worry about losing weight or toning the stomach area; they need all the tissue they can get.

The surgeon was quite adamant I should have both breasts removed immediately. Not only for my own peace of mind, but because it will leave symmetrical tissue and scars for him to work with later. I'm just glad to have the meeting behind me and to be able to move ahead with some decisions. It means I'll truly be able to enjoy my weekend with Trudy and her girls without having this hanging over my head.

Trudy and her daughters -- Emily and Grace -- are arriving tonight and staying until Sunday. It will actually be a fairly busy weekend as Sunday is also Kelly's beach day. Her family and friends meet at a nearby park/beach and they go clam digging and have a big picnic. I'm hoping to take Trudy and the girls, but if not I'll head out there after they hit the road.

I think I neglected to mention a couple of cards recently received -- the Colorado group sent one as did my Aunt Trudy. Now I must go vacuum and tidy my house for my company. Can't leave the dust bunnies...they're big enough to scare Emily and Grace....

Adapting to Change

The Hero sometimes has to adapt to change along his journey. The faces around him change, his goal varies or he has to take a new route or adjust his timeline. Take Julia Roberts' character in Pretty Woman. All along her goal is to get back to her life, until she realizes she deserves better and decides to move on and go to school. For his part, Richard Gere's character realizes he doesn't want a life by himself and he needs her. Both characters have to adapt to their new goals.

And so it is with me. My surgery date has been changed. Now instead of August 20th, I will have surgery on August 27th. A week isn't a big deal, except for when you take into account the mental preparation. I also keep looking at the big picture and it will be two months since the end of chemo before I have surgery. My hair is growing back (I had to shave my underarms yesterday for the first time in ages), and I worry about what else might be growing back. What I can't see, what I can't feel. I just want to get this done.

Combined with a couple of other disappointments, this news had me feeling really down yesterday. This whole year, the year I turned 40, was supposed be fun. Rob and I were supposed to go to Newfoundland for our vacation. It wasn't supposed to be a year ripe with fear and buried under doctors' appointments. In some ways I think the wet summer has been a reflection of the year. I try to stay positive, but sometimes the combined weight of everything feels very heavy. Yesterday was one of those days where I felt I could be crushed. Then Rob came up with the idea of cashing in our Air Miles and going to Toronto for a weekend -- the weekend I would have been recovering from my surgery.

So we're going to Toronto on August 20 and back on August 23. So far we have tickets to see the Blue Jays play Boston and LA (we'll be up in the nosebleed seats behind home plate, but we've sat there before and there's a great view of the field); we're also going to see the Sound of Music. Rob booked our hotel through Hotwire and we're staying at the downtown Sheraton for a really reasonable rate. I'm feeling much better and more optimistic today. Between the trip, looking forward to the exhibition next week, and the sunshine, I feel much better. Now if I could only shake the hot flashes, I'd be all set.

As a side-effect to my chemotherapy, my body has adopted many of the symptoms of early menopause, including the dreaded hot flash. I feel for any woman who has to go through this. I don't think I've had an uninterrupted night's sleep since they started. I wake, because I feel as though the blankets around me are going to burst into flame because I'm so hot. Then, before I can get back to sleep, it has passed and I'm freezing again. And so it goes, several times during the night. Blankets off, blankets on. It isn't so bad during the day, I guess because I'm dressed for summer. It might be more of a nuisance if I was wearing sweaters. Scientists should look at cases of spontaneous human combustion and see how many of them were women of a certain age -- it could be hot flashes out of control.