Back to Work

After more than a year off I'm heading back to the office. I start a return-to-work transition program on June 1. The first week back I'll work four hours and then each week following I'll add an extra hour a day per week until I'm back to full time.

I have mixed feelings. I'm anxious to get back to work, but we're just starting summer and I would enjoy having a summer off when I didn't feel like crap half the time. Last summer I couldn't fish or golf or garden to any great extent because I was tired from the chemo. What a difference a year makes.

Oh well, I will be good to get back into the swing of things. It's one more sign that my journey is near its end and life is returning to normal.

Next Step -- Reconstruction

I met today with my plastic surgeon to discuss the next phase of my journey -- reconstruction. I first met with him last August when I decided to move forward with the double mastectomy. This has provided an even platform on which he can create his masterpiece.

Today he checked the chest area, looking at where I had radiation and the abscess following the mastectomy and pronounced they are well healed and ready for surgery. He took a pre-surgery photo today for my file. We discussed the process, known as latissimus dorsi flap. This is where the surgeon removes muscle from the back just below the shoulder blade and repositions is in the breast area by bringing it forward through a channel under the arm. The surgery will take six to seven hours and hospital recovery will be two or three days. Post-surgery recover can take two to four weeks, depending on the individual.

An implant is also inserted into the breast (under the new muscle). This is what will give the new breasts their size and shape. Getting the actual size exact could take some tweaking but this process is done under a local anesthetic. I'm looking forward to having new breasts. Shopping for clothing has been tedious and it's hard to find clothes which fit and don't hang in that area.

One of the concerns I have is related to the problem the last anaesthesiologist had finding usable veins in my arms. My surgeon doesn't think it will be an issue again and instructed me to drink lots of water the night before. Worse case scenario, he says they'll use a neck vein for the surgery.

Of course, now that summer is upon us, it looks like I won't be scheduled for surgery until August, but more likely September. I won't know for a couple of months yet as the surgeons only get a three-month schedule of OR time and the next schedule won't be out until the end of June. Meanwhile, it looks like I'll be heading back to work. I have a tentative back-to-work date for Tuesday and I'll go back on half time to for the first week, gradually building up hours to full-time.

Forward Momentum

I was reminded this weekend past that I didn't update my blog after my last doctor's appointment. I met with my gynecological oncologist on April 7 at the four-week mark following my hysterectomy. All was well. She says the scaring will hardly be noticeable in a year. She was very pleased with how well things are healing and gave me the go-head to get back to normal activities. At which point I promptly started clearing out the room I use for a studio, ripped up the torn linoleum, painted and, with Rob's help, installed new laminate flooring.

I've been experiencing hot flashes (one of the key symptoms of menopause) and my doctor said I could try an herbal compound with red clover to see how it works. I have one friend who recommended it because she's had very good results. I think it's working somewhat...I'm either having few hot flashes at night, or I'm learning to sleep through them. Either way, I like getting a good night's sleep.

I'm still waiting to hear from the plastic surgeon about an appointment but otherwise I'm finally starting to feel more like myself (a year later). My hair has grown in nicely and is quite curly, which is a nice change, although a challenge to deal with.

I've had cards recently from Kathy W, my boss Julie and a package from Bonnie M which included a beautiful scarf, a broach and a lovely card.

On the down side, Kathy E's husband was diagnosed with a recurrence of lung cancer (although last I heard treatment is going well) and the husband of one of my friends from the Valley was diagnosed with a tumor on his neck and is beginning treatment in the next week or so.

I bought daffodils this weekend from the Cancer Society and I couldn't help but think when will we find a cure for this disease.

Wearing the Mentor Mantle

I had a makeover this week...or at least my face did. I ran out of eyeliner...completely out. I had worn down all the little bits and samples I had until I couldn't hold them any longer. I need to put in a Mary Kay order, but I just haven't gotten in touch with those who regularly order from me. Rob was shopping for shoes and dress pants at Sears (he's out of town next week on business) and I wandered by the make-up counters.

The woman was very helpful, asking what brand do I normally use, is a pencil or a twist etc. I explained that I normally used Mary Kay, but that I had tried some products new to me earlier in the year. I lowered my voice..."I had breast cancer," I said. "I went through the Look Good, Feel Better program and used a number of different and new products."

That started, not only a new look -- I now wear slate coloured eyeliner -- but also lead to her talking about her mother who also had breast cancer. It turns out this woman is my age and scared of developing the disease. She had many, many questions...how did I discover it, what was my treatment. Meanwhile, I went from trying a new colour of eyeliner, to a bit of mascara, some tinted moisturizer (which, I really like and will probably order some the next time I place a Mary Kay order). Then she added a bit of eyeshadow, some blush and little bit of lip gloss. The entire time I answered questions and watched Rob drift in and out of my peripheral vision.

I rarely bring up the topic with strangers, but in this case I, well, I felt compelled. And, as I have been all along throughout my treatment I was open and honest about what I went through. She was the nicest woman and before each question she would say..."now don't answer if you feel this is too personal..." But I did answer and I think perhaps it helped her; for herself and possibly understanding her mother.

We never know who we're going to meet along the road we travel. We don't know what chance comment is going to impact a person or what seemingly trivial information we pass along may become life-changing for another. In the end I gave her my blog address to share with her mother. I don't know if they'll look at it, but if they do hopefully they'll see that each one of us is taking her own journey and with the help of mentors we'll come through it with the elixir and a personal strength. And, if we're very lucky we'll find out more about what's inside of us, than what's outside. Although...a new eyeliner can go a long way towards making you feel like a new woman.

Post Surgery

It is Monday, almost a week since I had surgery and I'm feeling really good. I still look like I am a junky with needle marks and bruises all over my arm. I counted, and as near as I can tell the good anesthetist tried at least a dozen times to find a vein in my right arm before admitting defeat and moving to my left. The bruises have reached that stage where they are a lovely green/yellow with the dark purple center. Ah well...we'll just call them war wounds.

I'm not feeling any pain and haven't taken so much as a Tylenol since Friday. Yesterday Rob and I took Cole for a brief walk. He was so wound up...the poor dog has cabin fever big time, but he doesn't like to be outdoors by himself. He is such a big baby.

I have a follow-up appointment with my gynecologist on April 7. I'm still waiting for an appointment with my plastic surgeon, but don't really expect to have one until June.

Richard and Dianne sent a huge basket of fruit to help me get well. It was too heavy for me to lift. Of course I'm only allowed to lift up to five pounds...so it doesn't take much, a pot of water is too heavy to lift. I've had cards from Gale Gal Joyce, Aunt Myrtle and Kathy from Colorado in the last week or so. Ryan and Denise brought out the fruit basket for Di and Richard and brought me a bottle of red wine as well. We had a great visit with them. We had locked the dogs up so they wouldn't be in their faces all evening and Denise insisted we let them out so she could say hi to them before they left.

Everything is going smoothly...hopefully no set backs will occur and I'll be healthy to enjoy the spring and summer this year.

Home Again

It is so good to be home again. I got home early this afternoon and immediately curled up on the couch and slept. Last night I was interrupted regularly from sleeping by the nurses and the helicopter landing on the roof.

Overall, feeling pretty good. A little tired, a little gassy, a little sore. I've been taking Extra Strenght Tylenol to control the discomfort.

Thank you to everyone for your good thoughts and best wishes. I received a card from Gale Gal Joyce yesterday.

I'll write more in a few days...I'm ready to curl up on the couch again.

Surgery over. All is well.

Hey folks, Rob here.

Sue is out of surgery and recuperating at the IWK. It took them about 45 minutes this morning just to find a viable vein to start the anesthetic IV, and she bled a little more than expected, so between those two things her surgery didn't end until around 1:00 or so. They were supposed to start at 8:45 and be done by noon, so by the time the surgeon came out to talk to me I was starting to climb the walls of the waiting room. However, she said everything went well and there was no visual evidence of any abnormalities to worry about. I'm assuming they'll take some tissue samples and do a path report, but I may be wrong on that.

Sue looked *much* better when they brought her up to her room than she looked after her first surgery. No nausea either. They suppposedly gave her some motion sickness meds before moving her upstairs, and she kept her eyes closed as well to try and head off any vertigo.

Barring any setbacks she'll be able to come home tomorrow, hopefully in the morning.

Thanks to all of you who sent thoughts, prayers and best wishes!