Happy New Year

I've just come in from the cold where I watched neighbours battling for supremacy in what turned out to be a pretty decent display of fireworks. It punctuates the fact that this year has been like a fireworks display...parts of it fizzled and parts of it made my mouth drop open in awe.

2009 was supposed to be my year. I turned 40, I was doing well career-wise, our financial house was in pretty good order, we were planning a trip to Newfoundland, we had all sorts of ideas about lots of golfing and fishing, plus we were blessed with family and friends. It all came to a grinding halt in February, when three weeks after my birthday I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I'm lucky...I'm still here to watch the fireworks almost a year later...and I revel in every puff of smoke and blaze of light across the sky. Even now, I rush from my computer because I've just heard the telltale pop of another rocket exploding.

I set my experience in the framework of the Hero's Journey, the structure which many popular movies and books use to move their plots. The journey was supported by mentors, teachers, friends and was fraught with challenges, tests and hardships along the way. The goal, to obtain, understand and use the elixir and return home a hero. So far so good.

We were lucky, and looking back I can see that. My cancer was probably caught at the right time (a little earlier might have been better, but a little later would have been worse). I was rushed through the hospital system and into the queue of people battling this disease from both sides. Many people are dismayed by our health care system -- the long wait times in emergency and difficulty accessing specialists (heck, difficulty accessing family doctors); but my experience was of a system which worked for me, when I really needed it.

I've just been randomly reading some of my posts from the past year (111 in all) and some of the comments written by those who followed my journey. I am blessed by the people who are in my life. Your thoughts, your prayers, your energy have all helped both me and Rob this year. Whether it was a card or a trinket, dinner or a movie, a blanket or a book, or simply a kind word -- many of you helped me as I wandered in the wilderness of illness.

Even this past week, during the busy holiday season I received cards from Lisa, Kathy W and Julie. Lisa included a Dairy Queen card in hers and instructions to treat myself to a Blizzard. This was in addition to more than twice the normal number of Christmas cards, with everyone wishing me the all the best and good health in 2010.

Among the cards was one from my aunt Joyce (my father's older sister). Included was a generous check and a note to say they normally donated to the Cancer Society but this year wanted to donate directly to someone affected by the disease. I was incredibly touched by this kind act. We are, however, lucky that this disease hardly impacted us financially. A few years ago that might not have been the case. We matched the contribution and sent it the Cancer Society. We've also started making a small monthly donation to the MS Society and I expect we'll do the same with the Arthritis Society (two diseases which have impacted the lives of people in our family).

I was also touched by the incredible kindness of Bonnie M. She's from my home church and has sent cards and trinkets several times this past year. One, an "angel" feather decorates my tree this year, and will for many more to come. She brought tears to my eyes Sunday when she presented me with a ragged tea cosy in the form of a droopy donkey (or lamb, we're not sure which). It belonged to my paternal grandmother and I played with it as a child. After she died, it was sold at the estate auction. I never thought to see it again, but on Sunday Bonnie handed me a tissue wrapped package, and there in its many layers was the donkey, its pale fur worn, its velvet base still soft and its head, as always, canted to one side. I will find a special place for it and it will bring a smile to my face for years to come. Thank you.

Thank you to all of you for your gestures both big and small. May 2010 bring you all health, happiness and prosperity. God bless you all.

Catching Up

We had brunch with Ian, June, Dave and Ange a little over a week ago. June confided she had just learned another of her friends had breast cancer. It was a woman she had urged to get a mammogram following my own diagnosis. I am relieved she took June's advice and was tested. By catching it early her treatment plan should be a lot easier to handle and she may be able to have a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy. If I my experience means at least one woman gets tested and catches cancer in its earliest stages, well, it makes what I've gone through easier to understand.

Last weekend we were in Pictou. Rob was finishing up the hunting season there. Four beautiful does stood on the front lawn and grazed their way to the back while we watched. He only had a buck tag, so they were off limits. His mother called tonight to say they spent the last hour watching four deer in their yard, including a four-point buck. Oh well, there's always next year.

While in Pictou, Rob drove to Antigonish to visit with one of his former co-workers. Rhonda raises sheep and sells meat, blankets and other woolen products. She very generously sent a scarf to me. It's beautiful and knowing it is made from fleece of her flock makes it very special.

I started writing Christmas cards today. I sent one bunch off and hopefully will have the rest sent out by the end of the weekend. Several are going to the States and I'm hoping they make it in time for Christmas. I did receive a note from Julie post-radiation, congratulating me on another stage completed.

I also heard back from Casting for Recovery. The program teaches women with breast cancer how to fly fish and provides and opportunity to speak with others going through the same issues. It was supposed to take place in October, but with the H1N1 virus being so prevalent it was postponed until February. It now seems the event will take place not in Ontario as originally scheduled, but in Bermuda. Bermuda in mid-February...I think I can handle that. I won't have all the details until the new year but I'll share them as soon as I get them.

I finally received a call from the Lymphodema Clinic. I'm schedule to attend a session in February. There is a slight possibility if someone cancels I'll make the session in January. The program will help me identify ways to prevent this permanent side-effect and ways to manage it if it does develop. I'm hoping I'll get some exercises and a sense of what I can do and should avoid.

All in all, it has been pretty busy lately. I attended the staff Christmas party, started shopping, have some of the decorations up and I've been trying to get out several times a week walking.

Radiation Fallout

It is a week today since I had my last treatment and I wish I could report that I am back to normal. (Of course some would argue I was never normal, so there's no hope of me getting there regardless.) The treatment has done a number on my skin and I have two sores, or more accurately burns, which I'm treating with a prescriptive ointment. One is on my neck and the other is under my left arm. I know it could be a lot worse but these are tender and it has been a challenge to find a way to cover the affected area and not bother the surrounding skin which is also sensitive. I've tried not covering it at all, but then I get the cream everywhere. I'm now using a sterile pad and tape and just using care as to where I put the tape.

Last Thursday we went to Rob's parents. He took some well deserved vacation time which didn't involve going to a doctor's appointment. It is still hunting season and he wanted to try for a deer in that part of the province. I'm sorry to report he wasn't successful and I'm still waiting for my freezer (the deal is he gets a deer, I get a freezer). While hubby was busy hunting, I rounded up my brother-in-law Richard (Diane's husband) and made the trek out to Digby Neck where Kathy E lives.

It is about an hour's drive and a ferry ride to the island and we had a beautiful trip out. The weather turned before we got back and I ended up driving part way home in a heavy downpour. It was a very nice visit. Kathy had let it be known earlier in the year that she wanted to meet me in person after reading my blog and praying for my recovery for so long. Hopefully I met her expectations and the visit wasn't a disappointment for her. She seemed very happy to meet me and she hadn't seen Richard for ages. We spent two-and-a-half hours chatting before leaving to catch the ferry back. Kathy lives in a beautiful, seaside, century home. Richard and I both love this type of architecture and were quite taken with the wide cornices, tin ceiling, narrow plank flooring and deep baseboards.

Rob and I returned to the city on Saturday. Poor Tess had an upset tummy and was sick multiple time during the early morning hours. I think from 3 to 7 a.m. we barely got a wink of sleep. She'd be sick, we'd take turns cleaning it up, we'd crawl back in under the blankets and just start drifting off and repeat the process. She's better now, but she obviously had a bug of some sort.

On Sunday Rob and I took a drive (Cole was still at the kennel) and I cut a bunch of bows to make a green wreath. I have to pick up a frame, but hopefully I'll get that done today. The neighbors next door have decorated for Christmas, and while it is very pretty, it makes my display look rather anemic -- despite the fact that I invested in new lights this year. I also need to decide on what cookies I plan to make on Thursday when I meet Marion, Kelly and Robyn for our cookie bake. I'm leaning towards a citrus square and a batch of my grandmother's shortbread (now I just have to find that recipe).

Radiation Treatment Done

Eventually the Hero hits the end of the road, his quest completed, and has to go back to his life in the real world. He leaves his mentors behind, he thanks those who have helped him on the way and he goes back to his village to lead a quiet and peaceful life...at least in theory.

Today marked the end of my cancer treatment. I'll have a few follow-up appointments in the coming months, but no one, including me, expects these to be anything but routine. Twenty-five radiation treatments are behind me and overall I've tolerated them well. I have a red, dry rash on the left side of my neck and my left armpit is very sore and angry looking. The rest of the treated area looks like I fell asleep in the sun. I have creams and gels to use to treat the area and I'll have to be very careful with sun exposure in the future...no topless beaches for me.

Now I just have to get on with the act of living a healthy lifestyle...exercise, healthy eating, lots of rest. Doctor's orders. I've been trying to walk four or five days a week, for at least 30 minutes. It was pretty easy the last week or so with the beautiful weather.

I took in a big tray of ginger cookies to the radiology team as a thank you. I don't know how they do their job so cheerfully every day. While I wasn't the youngest person receiving treatment I was in the younger third of those in the waiting room. They regularly deal with older people who become quite debiliated by the treatment and whose skin gets much worse-looking than mine. I was being set up for the second blast when one of the techs came in and said how wonderful the cookies are. It's kind of funny...the recipe for them came out of an old IWK cookbook I've had for years.

Rob and I went out for supper to celebrate, nothing fancy, just my favorite bruschetta pizza at Boston Pizza which we followed up with some Christmas shopping.

I'm just glad to have all the treatment behind me in time to focus on getting ready for Christmas. I've got my outdoor lights up and the greenery I put up around the railing.

The next phase -- our poor hero never gets to rest, that's why all good fantasy writers put out sequels -- is all elective. I say it is elective, but in my mind what comes next is as essential as the treatment I've just completed. I'm still waiting for a date for my hysterectomy and of course reconstruction won't happen until next spring/summer (I won't even have a follow-up with the plastic surgeon for six months.)

I'm glad to have this behind me. And I thank all of you who followed my blog with great regularity, who sent me cards and gifts, who said prayers or sent positive energy.

This isn't the end of my blogging, but I won't be making updates unless there is a change or new information to add. I do plan to do up a tally...how many visits to the hospital, parking costs, medication costs etc.

Saying Farewell to a "Mentor"

During his journey the Hero is frequently guided by numerous mentors. Some will teach him skills, while others will help him achieve specific tasks or goals. This week I said farewell to one of the key mentors responsible for my recovery.

Yesterday, I saw my oncologist for the first time since I completed chemotherapy at the end of June. She was very pleased with my recovery and upon reading the pathology report (which she had faxed to her during the appointment) she was absolutely beaming. "This is the best we could hope for," she said, "to prevent recurrence." As I've reported previously, the chemo did its job so well there were no traces of the tumors remaining.

Unless I develop another tumor I won't be seeing anyone in the oncology department again. She says all that is required at this point is monthly self-breast exams (or chest exams in my case), regular quarterly checkups with my family doctor and yearly blood work. I won't need to go for a CT because they try to limit the number of CT scans because they can cause cancer. Basically she cautioned me to listen to my body and when something doesn't seem right...go see my GP.

We also discussed a few side-effects I've had since treatment stopped. There is a persistent feeling of numbness/swelling in both my right hand and my feet. She says the D portion of FEC-D chemo can sometimes cause nerve damage and this is probably what I am experiencing. This may or may not go away. It really doesn't affect my day-to-day life in any way except as a minor irritant. I can still walk, type, paint etc. The treatment also stopped my monthly cycles, which she confirms are not likely to restart. However, I do need to protect myself against osteoporosis which means taking calcium and vitamin D and being physically active. I'm trying very hard to get into the habit of walking and so far so good this week -- Cole and I have been out twice for an hour each and Tess and I were out once for about 20 minutes (she can't go as far, nor as fast as she once did). Now I just need to keep it up. It is recommended I have a bone density scan in three or four years to gauge any bone loss.

Yesterday was my regular appointment with the radiation therapy nurse too. (Yes, I probably spent about two hours at the hospital.) I'm glad I didn't have treatment today because the skin is becoming quite sensitive. I look like I have a minor sunburn on my left side, up to my neck and under my arm. In fact the other night my arm was itching so badly I had to get up and apply more cream. I treat it with a hydro-cortisone cream provided by the doctor, and apply aloe gel to the rest of the area which is still only a little pink. The good news -- only four more treatments until I'm through.

The Hero is on his way back to his own world after a long a arduous journey. It will be good to put this all behind me and get on with the task of putting myself back together.

Snow and Warm Blankets

Today I trekked across the city through slush and pools of water, thanks to our first snowfall of the season. I think it impacted all of the appointments as everyone seemed to be waiting. There was a feeling of restlessness over the waiting room and it was more crowded then usual.

The staff is always concerned about patient comfort and several times I've been offered heated blankets; today I took the technician up on the offer as the radiology room was a little chilly. I got goosebumps on my back as soon as I removed my robe in preparation for treatment. It is rather decadent to lay down under a warmed blanket, the heat just seems to seep into you.

I have six treatments left and a break in the middle of next week because they don't do treatments on Remembrance day. I'm not sure what I'll do with myself when its over. I've gotten used to the daily trek across the city. Fortunately I'll be consumed by pre-Christmas preparations. Kelly, Marion, Robyn and myself have a cookie baking tradition. We're doing it at Kelly's new apartment this year on the American Thanksgiving, which also happens to be Marion's birthday. It's enjoyable to hang out with the girls and we each go home with an assortment of goodies. I've been perusing my Christmas book trying to decide what cookies/bars to make this year. They have to be easy, quick and tasty.

Cole and I topped up the bird feeders when I got back from treatment. Tess was busy just wandering around the yard, not paying attention to anything which is why she ran into the rain gauge. So far we've had blue jays, gold finches, nuthatches, hairy and Downy woodpeckers, mourning doves and chickadees. The chickadees are so bold they sit within feet of me while I fill the feeders. Cole loves the snow and was tearing madly around the yard; "swimming" though it on his side.

Nine Treatments Left

Nine treatments of radiation left. So far the side-effects are minimal...pinkness on the breast area and a bit of a rash on my collar bone. I met with my radiologist briefly today. He's happy with the way treatment is progressing. I've been given a cream to apply to the area to mitigate the symptoms.

Everyone seems surprised that I'm not more fatigued. My doctor says he believes the fact that I've been somewhat active throughout the course of my various treatments has helped in that regard. I figure I've been sleep deprived for years due to life with pets that I just don't know any different.

Rob is a way this week, in Colorado, for his company's annual meeting. We spent last weekend at Mom and Dad's as it was the opening of hunting season. He saw deer...but they were does and he only has a buck license. Of course that is one step better than last year.

I received several cards this week. One from Helen, Julie and the Southville Church.